Broken Together
by Delirious-Comfort
Summary: Swan Queen Hurt / Comfort: After experiencing a great loss, Emma leans on Regina for support. Can she get through this with the help of Regina and Henry? - TW: infant death / depression / grief - SQ Big Bang 2015
1. Hello darkness, my old friend

**I wrote this story for the Swan Queen Big Bang 2015. Thought it was time I'd share it here. There is amazing fan art that goes with this story, but I'm an idiot and have no idea how to link it :)**

* * *

 _Emma was absolutely exhausted after her last push. Exhausted enough to almost miss the absolute silence that followed after her own voice gave out- almost. As her head slowly moved to the side it felt as if she was watching a movie in slow motion and all she wanted was to hit the screen in order for the movie to play at its normal speed. Still frames edged themselves into her brain; the narrowed eyes of Doctor Sullivan as she looked between Emma_ _'s legs, the nurse who gave Emma a poor attempt at a smile, and the blue-skinned, limp body of the baby that she had carried for almost nine months._

 _It was the sound of her own sob that finally brought her back to reality,_ _"Why is he blue?_ " _She screamed as her hands wrapped around the rail of the hospital bed._ _"What is wrong with him?_ _"_

 _"Emma, I need you to take a deep breath. We_ _'re doing everything we can,_ _" Doctor Sullivan said._ _"Your baby inhaled the meconium in your amniotic fluid and it_ _'s blocking his airways."_ _  
_

 _"I- I don'_ _t understand what_ _'s happening,"_ _Emma cried out as she reached for her baby with a hand._ _"Why is he not crying? They said he would cry. He_ _'s supposed to cry!_ _"_

 _"Emma, look at me,_ _" Doctor Sullivan said as she covered Emma_ _'s hand with her own._ _"Meconium is your baby_ _'s feces and he has inhaled it. We_ _'re doing everything we can to make sure your baby can breathe, okay?_ _"_

 _"Where are they taking him?_ _"_

 _"To the NICU, I promise we will take you to him as soon as we can."_

 _"Please, help him._ _"_

* * *

Emma jolted awake and sat up straight as she threw off the sweat-drenched blanket. She switched on the nightlight when the door softly creaked and opened.

"Mom, are you okay?" Henry said as he took tentative steps into his mother's bedroom.

"All good, kid. It was just a nightmare," Emma said as she tried to muster up the strength to give her a son a smile.

"Are you sure? You were screaming."

"Just a nightmare, Henry. Go back to sleep," Emma murmured as she glanced at the alarm clock. "Actually, are you hungry? I could make pancakes."

"At 4 A.M.?"

"Why not, right?" Emma smiled as she got up from the bed and wrapped an arm around Henry's shoulder and kissed the top of his head. "Just don't tell Regina, I'm not in the mood to play 'dodge the fireball'."

Henry chuckled, "Has she actually ever _really_ tried to fireball you?"

"Once or twice, kid. But not for quite some time now," she said as they walked down the stairs and into the kitchen. Henry sat down on one of the chairs at the kitchen island and spun around in his seat.

"Are you sure you're okay?" He asked with a small frown. "You know you don't have-"

"I'm fine, Henry. I promise," Emma cut him off with a smile until he gave her a small nod.

"Will you tell me more about New York?"

Emma's hands trembled as she set the pan down on the stove, "Of course. Where did I leave off last time?"

"You went to see the Lion King with Madison," Henry pointed out. Madison was their next door neighbor during the time Emma and Henry had lived in New York for a year, while all of Storybrooke was cursed once more. She had turned out to be a great friend and Emma was determined to stay in contact with the woman.

"Right," Emma murmured. Her eyes closed briefly and she hissed when her hand touched the hot pan. "Fuck." Henry rolled his eyes and got up from sitting and guided Emma towards the chair.

"You're too clumsy, Ma. I'll do it."

Emma sighed a breath of relief, "Thank you."

"So, New York?" Henry asked as he got to work. Emma couldn't help but smile at the scene that unfolded before her eyes. It was no secret that she was the worst cook in all of Storybrooke, Henry had definitely inherited his cooking skills from Regina.

"You know how emotional Madison can get. The Lion King was definitely a tearjerker for her. I think she went through several packages of tissues. She bought all the merchandise she could find and ate a gallon of ice cream when we got home."

Henry grinned, "I'm sure you helped her with that."

"Maybe," Emma said sheepishly.

"Vanilla ice cream with all the chocolate syrup."

Emma groaned, "God, it was good."

"Is she still together with Nick?"

"God no. She dumped his ass when he kicked down her door. Good riddance, you know? In the four months I was with her, she had two boyfriends. She met this guy, Marcus, at a bar and well.. You're too young for the details of that endeavor. Let's just say that they didn't last. She went to see the Lion King four more times and I don't know how she did it, but she met some of the crew members and started dating one of the elephants."

Henry laughed, "She's dating an elephant?"

"Well, you know. The guy who plays an elephant. He seemed nice enough. I think they're still together, but you know what she's like, secretive to a fault. I mean, I lived with her for four months and it took me at least a month to figure out she was seeing someone again."

Henry smiled as he put the plates down and sat back in his chair, "What about you?"

"Hm?" Emma hummed as she shoved a fork full of pancakes into her mouth.

"Did you date anyone while you were in New York?"

Emma shook her head, "Dating was the last thing on my mind." She narrowed her eyes as she looked at Henry, "Hey. I know I left pretty quickly and that I never really got a chance to explain, but you know that me leaving had nothing to do with you, right?"

Henry nodded, "I know. You needed some time after you broke up with Killian. Mom explained it to me. I was angry for a while that you left, but you called me practically every day, so I got over it."

"I'm sorry that I left like that. I just felt trapped and I needed space to breathe and I couldn't do that here, but I regret how I left that day. I should have explained it to you myself. I'm sorry."

"It's alright, Ma," Henry smiled. "I'm not mad at you, I'm just happy you're back."

"Me too, Kid."

"Have you heard from him?"

"Killian?" Emma cursed herself when she felt herself choke up.

Henry nodded.

"No. We last spoke when we broke up. Mary Margaret told me he left on the Jolly Roger and no one has seen or heard from him since." She inhaled sharply as her eyes glossed over, "I know you liked him, I'm sorry that things had to end this way, it couldn't have been easy for you either."

Henry shrugged, "I liked him, but I like you better."

"So, how's your mom?"

"She's okay, I think she was sad for a long time after you left."

"Why?" Emma frowned.

"No one to torture?" Henry suggested with a grin. "I know you've only been back for two days, but maybe you could come over for dinner soon?"

"Yeah," Emma replied not too enthusiastically. "Lots of people to catch up with. " She wasn't looking forward to it. Her parents had been over the moon when she had finally returned and their constant need to hug her absolutely suffocated her. She had missed them, but she wasn't ready for the inquisition that would no doubt follow soon. "You should go back to bed and get some sleep before school. I'll clean up. Give me a hug."

Henry smiled as he wrapped his arms around his mother, "I'm glad you're home. I missed you."

"I missed you too, Kid. Get some sleep, I'll wake you in a couple of hours."

She smiled when he kissed her cheek before running up the stairs. Her smile faltered immediately when she heard his bedroom door close and silent tears fell from her cheeks. Leaving Storybrooke when she did had been absolutely necessary, but she couldn't help feeling immensely guilty for leaving her son behind – again.

* * *

 _Emma slammed the door behind her as she took quick steps up to her bedroom._

 _"Emma?"_

 _"What?" Emma snapped as she whipped her head around and saw Mary Margaret step forward. She flinched when slender fingers wrapped around her wrist and she pulled back before the woman could pull her into a hug._

 _Mary Margaret frowned, "What's wrong?"_

 _"I'm leaving. Killian and I ended things and I'm suffocating here. I need space. I'm going back to New York. I'll stay with a friend for a while," Emma muttered._

 _Mary Margaret nodded, "For how long?" She knew it was pointless to try and get her daughter to stay in Storybrooke. Emma was as stubborn as her father and trying to convince her daughter to stay would only result in Emma pushing her even further away._

 _"A couple of months," Emma shrugged as she tossed her clothes in her suitcase._

 _"What? A couple of months? Emma, you can't...It's too long. What about Henry? "_

 _"Regina will take care of him. She's his mother, she's done a fine job of being a mother for the past thirteen years, I'm sure she can handle a couple of months," Emma snapped._

 _"Okay," Mary Margaret said with a confused look. "I'm not saying Regina can't take care of Henry, Emma. But he needs you too. You have a responsibility towards him. You can't run every time things don't go the way you intended them to."_

 _Emma laughed, "That's rich coming from you. You stuffed your own child in a wardrobe and left her to fend for herself. "_

 _Mary Margaret sighed, Emma had forgiven her parents for their actions months ago, but whenever she felt hurt it was the first argument she pulled from her repertoire and it stung every time. "What happened with Killian?"_

 _"It doesn't matter. We're over and that's all I want to say about it."_

 _"Emma, please. Talk to me," Mary Margaret pleaded._

 _"I'm done talking. Every time I open my mouth to try and talk to people, things only deteriorate. I don't want to talk to you, I don't want to talk to David, I just want to get away so I can think. I can't do it here, everywhere I turn people look at me and expect me to fix all their shit. It's suffocating me."_

 _"When are you leaving?"_

 _"Right now." Emma turned to look at Mary Margaret, "I've said my goodbyes, and if you truly care about my well-being you'll let me go."_

 _"I love you, Emma. If you need to go, then go. I'm not going to pretend that I'm happy about it, because I'm not, but I'm not going to try and stop you." She stepped closer to Emma and cupped her cheek, "Despite what you may think, you are my daughter and your well-being is the most important thing in the world. Promise me that you'll stay in touch. Call, text, or write."_

 _"I promise," Emma murmured before pulling away from her mother. She closed her suitcase and pulled it upright, "I'll call when I get there."_

 _Mary Margaret watched helplessly as her daughter made her way down the stairs and then let herself fall onto Emma's bed and cried as she heard the bug speed off._

* * *

Later that morning after Emma had woken Henry, she stood outside of the Sheriff's office and sighed deeply before pushing open the door. For the past four months she had pretty much dodged all responsibilities, but she was ready to get back to it now. She was grateful that her job was still there, the solitude of the work always seemed to provide her with a sense of comfort.

The past four months had been absolute hell for her and despite not regretting to make the decision to leave for New York, she couldn't help but wonder what would have happened if she had stayed. She quickly pushed those thoughts to the back of her head, not wanting to think about it any further as she hit the power button on her computer.

She felt completely numb as she read through the reports of the last months - typical Storybrooke, nothing exciting ever happened when it came to the crime department. Most reports consisted of drunk Leroy wreaking havoc and a small smile spread across her face at the way her father's incident reports became snarkier over time. She couldn't blame him, drunk Leroy was boring and repetitive and while she liked the man, he was also a big pain in the ass.

Her morning was quite uneventful and she was about to get up to grab a coffee when the door to her office slammed open causing her heart to pound in her chest as she looked at the woman standing in front of her. "Regina," she gasped.

"Miss Swan," Regina said coldly before sitting down in one of the visitor chairs. "Welcome back."

"Thanks," Emma averted her eyes and took a sudden interest in the tiles on the floor that were in dire need of mopping session. Apparently her father didn't like to clean all that much.

"I need to get something off my chest," Regina said as she leaned forward and Emma's hands trembled in her lap.

"O-okay," Emma stammered.

Regina's eyes narrowed as she took in the fragile-looking woman in front of her, the Emma that had left Storybrooke all those months ago definitely wasn't the woman sitting in front of her now. "When you came to me the night you left, I understood the position you were in. I had no idea that you were planning on leaving for four months, Miss Swan. What on earth were you thinking?"

"I needed time," Emma snapped. "You don't have to understand, but you also don't get to judge me."

Regina shook her head lightly, "I'm not judging you, Miss Swan. I'm trying to understand what possessed you to leave for as long as you did. I appreciate the fact that you kept in constant contact with Henry, but surely you understand that leaving the way you did would hurt him."

"I know and I've already apologized to him for that. I had no choice though, I had to leave," Emma sighed out.

"Why?"

Emma gulped, "Why what?"

"Why did you _have_ to leave? I can understand why you needed a short break to get over the _pirate_ but four months? Explain it to me."

Emma sighed, "I don't owe you an explanation, Regina. I don't owe anyone an explanation. I left and that's it. I'm back now and I'm doing what everyone wants me to do, so I don't see what the big deal is."

"Something about you has changed, irreversibly. Do you care to tell me why that is?" Regina asked with an arched brow. "Henry said you were having nightmares when he slept over at your house. You were screaming and made him pancakes at four in the morning."

"He told you about that?" Emma asked in surprise.

"He is my son, he tells me everything. He is worried about you and quite frankly I can see why. You seem agitated for no good reason."

"Really? All these inquisitions aren't a good enough reason to become irritated?"

Regina scoffed, "This is hardly an inquisition, dear. You're the mother of my son and you up and left in a hot second and I had to deal with the repercussions of that."

"Look. I'm sorry that I left like that, but I.." Emma's voice trailed off as she fell quiet. She didn't know how to explain it to anyone without telling them the entire story and she wasn't willing to do that. Whatever transpired in the past four months, she wished to forget about it as soon as possible.

"What happened to you, Emma?" Regina asked, her voice more gentle this time.

"Nothing," Emma murmured.

"I don't believe you."

Emma bolted out of her chair and held open the door of her office, "Get out."

"Excuse me?"

"Get out, Regina. I have work to do and you're keeping me from it."

"Fine," Regina said as she stood up. "Henry wishes me to invite you for dinner tonight, but quite frankly with your current attitude, I'm not sure if I wish to do that."

"I- I can't. I will call him later."

"As you wish, do remember it's a school night."

"Yeah," Emma breathed out. "I know."

Regina looked at Emma once more and sighed before poofing out of her office. Emma rolled her eyes and slammed the door shut. She never should have come back, she should have stayed in New York where people minded their own business. She let herself fall down in her chair and took a deep breath as guilt washed over her and she cursed the nightmare she was still living in. All she wanted was for things to go back to normal. She needed things to go back to the way there were, instead of this constant state of hurt that she was currently living in.

Not one person in Storybrooke could possibly know what she had been through and while that was mostly her own fault for not sharing the details, she wished they would all just stop asking her questions. They had no right to do so, aside from Henry that was. She sighed as she thought of the son that she had left behind and her eyes welled up with tears. "Get it together, Emma," she murmured before wiping the tears from her eyes. "Just get it together."


	2. Silence like a cancer grows

It had been six weeks since Emma had returned from New York and most of Storybrooke's citizens wished she had never returned. Emma Swan was a force to be reckoned with and she brought her wrath down on a daily basis.

It had all started when Emma and Henry had been walking through town and Happy – the dwarf – accidently bumped into Henry, causing him to stumble back while he regained his balance. Emma had screamed and shoved Happy into the nearest wall, her hand wrapped around his throat, as she hissed, "Careful, you insolent midget. You almost killed my son."

Regina had watched the entire scene unfold from across the street and came to Happy's aid as she pulled Emma away from him, "Miss Swan, what in the hell are you doing?" The anger she felt immediately died down when she noticed the sheer look of panic on Emma's face. "Emma?"

"I-I.." Emma looked at Happy, "God, I'm sorry. I don't know what came over me."

"It's okay," Happy mumbled as he took off, leaving a dumbfounded Emma behind.

"Are you okay, Henry?" Regina asked as she placed a hand on his shoulder and she smiled when he nodded. "Why don't you go to the arcade for a while, hm?" She gave him some money and looked at Emma when Henry had left. "What's going on, Emma?"

Emma burrowed her hands into her hair, "I don't know. I thought Henry was hurt."

"He's fine, he just stumbled a bit. I'm sure Happy didn't mean to hurt him. Accidents happen all the time," Regina said calmly as she took in Emma's features. The woman looked fatigued, and as if she'd lost weight over the past couple of weeks. She wanted to reach out to Emma, but when she noticed the way the blonde's chest was heaving, she knew the gesture would be unwelcome. "Emma?"

"Yeah, I know. I should go," Emma said as she took off and Regina didn't bother to follow.

* * *

It wasn't even a week later when Emma had snapped at Mary Margaret when she tried to hug her daughter at Granny's. Regina had sat in one of the booths and lightly shook her head at the hurt that she caused within her family. Emma Swan had become a walking time bomb, she would snap and become irritated when people brought up New York, and Regina couldn't remember the last time she had seen a genuine smile on the woman's face.

"Mom, something's wrong with Ma," Henry had said quietly later that evening as they huddled together in front of the TV. "She has nightmares and she's... She's not very kind lately, except to me."

Regina nodded, Emma had become extremely protective of Henry over the last couple of weeks and was ready to shoot anyone who even dared to look at him twice. She had tried to speak to Emma about her behavior, but it was nearly impossible to have a decent conversation with the blonde. Even Mary Margaret and David were at their wit's end with their daughter's behavior. Emma had become bitter, numb and was constantly on edge when she was in the company of other people.

"I know, My Little Prince," Regina murmured as she placed a kiss on the top of his head. "How do you know about the nightmares? Does she talk to you about them?"

Henry shook his head, "I hear her scream at night, she always wakes up drenched in sweat, but when I try to talk to her she just smiles and tells me to go back to bed. It's like she's not really here anymore."

Regina nodded, "You know she loves you, right?"

"I know, but I don't like to see her like this. I just want my mom back," he whispered before throwing his arms around Regina as he softly cried. "Please, help her."

"I will," Regina said as she comforted her son. "I promise."

Later that night, as she lay in bed, she sighed. Making a promise to her son that she would help Emma might be more problematic than she initially thought it would be. She tried to think back to the night that the younger woman had left. Wasn't that when it had all started?

* * *

 _"Regina, I'm leaving for a while. I've already said goodbye to Henry. You have my number in case you need to get in contact with me," Emma rattled her words off quickly before she turned around to leave for her car._

 _"Emma, wait!" Regina called after her." Why are you leaving? What's going on?"_

 _"I'm going to New York. Killian and I... We- We broke up and I need some time. I can't stay here, Regina. It hurts too much," Emma stammered out._

 _Regina frowned as she looked at Emma, "You broke up with Captain Guy-Liner? Why?"_

 _Emma shook her head, "He broke up with me. Or it was mutual, I don't know. It doesn't matter anyway. Please don't make this any harder than it already is, Regina. I don't want to talk about it, I just want to go."_

 _" So you're running," Regina huffed. "Typical Emma Swan move." She frowned when she noticed the tears well up in the blonde's eyes. "You're not telling me the entire story, Emma." Her eyes narrowed in frustration, Emma Swan was stubborn as hell and it was damn near impossible to let the blonde leave like this – except, she didn't have a choice._

 _"I have to go and pack. I'll call Henry when I've arrived." With that Emma turned around and left a flabbergasted Regina behind._

* * *

Regina sighed. Emma had kept her promise and called Henry as soon as she had arrived, but then no one heard from her for days and she had to console her son and make up excuses for the woman who had left so suddenly.

She wracked her brain trying to come up with ways to make Emma open up but the only solution she could see was to slip Emma a truth serum and she was sure that was only going to backfire, not to mention that she needed a pure heart to make the potion, and she was no longer in the "taking hearts business."

She rolled over in bed and closed her eyes. Dealing with the savior might be more problematic than she thought it would be. She wanted to keep her promise to Henry, she just had no idea how to go about it. There was one thought that came to mind, but to actually go through with that plan meant she would have to invade Emma's privacy and she wasn't sure if she was ready to deal with the repercussions of that.

The decision was practically made for her though when she had entered the Sheriff's office and found Emma and David in a one-sided screaming match.

* * *

 _"Why can't you people just leave me alone?" Emma screamed as she stomped her foot on the floor in utter frustration. Tears were streaming down her face and Regina frowned at the scene she had walked in on._

 _"What the hell is going on?" Regina inquired as she stepped further inside._

 _David sighed, "It's family business, Regina. Stay out of it."_

 _"Idiot," Regina hissed. "Emma is the mother of my child. I am practically family. Remember how your wife was my stepdaughter?"_

 _David rolled his eyes, "That was forty years ago. Another lifetime. Out here you're Regina and we're Mary-Margaret and David who are having an issue with their child."_

 _"Do not talk about me as if I'm not here," Emma yelled as she was on the verge of tears. "There is nothing wrong with me. Stop doting on me, stop treating me like a fragile flower, and for the love of god...stop touching me! I just want to do my job!"_

* * *

It had taken a week of weighing pro's and con's and when Emma stopped showing up for work and completely isolated herself from her family and friends, Regina made the executive decision to do exactly as she had promised Henry. It was a decision that led her to knock on the door of a New York apartment. She inhaled sharply when the door opened and a kind-looking woman looked at her, "Hi, my name is-"

"Regina," the woman smiled.

Regina frowned, "You know me?"

"I'm Madison, Emma' s roommate for the last couple of months and her neighbor before that. You're Henry's other mother, Emma spoke about you quite a lot."

Regina's cheeks flushed a shade of pink for a brief moment, "Nothing but good words, I hope?"

"Only the best," Madison smiled as she looked past Regina. "Is Emma with you?"

Regina coughed, "No, but I'm here because of Emma. Do you think I might come in?"

Madison nodded and motioned for Regina to come in and sit down on the couch, "Can I get you anything to drink?"

"Water would be fine, thank you." Regina smiled as Madison walked to the kitchen. Her eyes wandered over the pictures on the wall, Henry had told her many stories about Madison and she felt as if she somewhat knew the woman, despite having never met her before. Madison was absolutely gorgeous, she would have to be blind not to notice it. She smiled when she saw a picture of Emma and Madison, they both looked happy and it was the first time in a while Regina actually saw Emma's genuine smile and it made her heart ache. Madison and Emma seemed like polar opposites of each other, Emma's skin pale and her hair blonder than she had ever seen it, while Madison's hair was pitch-black and her skin was brown with warm orange-red undertones.

Madison smiled as she handed Regina a glass of water and sat down, "Is Emma okay? She has completely dropped off the face of the earth for me, which makes sense, but I do miss her."

Regina nodded, "I don't really know what to say. The Emma that came back from New York is not the Emma that I have gotten to know over the last couple of years. We have all tried talking to her, but she refuses to tell us what happened after she arrived in New York. I was hoping you could shed some light on exactly what happened. I can understand if you would have issues with that, but I'm hoping you might be willing to look past that for the sake of our son."

Madison frowned, "You don't know what happened?"

"No. All I know is that Emma broke up with her boyfriend and needed space and in order to get some, she packed her bags and left for New York," Regina said matter-of-factly.

Madison frowned and sighed, "Emma called me after she broke up with... I can't remember his name."

"Killian."

"That's right, Killian. She asked if she could stay with me for a couple of months and I agreed. I missed her a great deal, she was a good friend of mine and I was happy to see her return. She didn't give me too much information, so imagine my surprise when she showed up, pregnant and all," Madison smiled a sad smile.

Regina blinked and stumbled over her words, "I-I'm sorry... Did you say… pregnant?"

Madison nodded, "Emma was six months pregnant when she left for New York, surely you knew that?"

Regina was absolutely flabbergasted. "I had no idea, no one did. Are you sure? This is Emma Swan we're talking about, right?"

"The one and only."

"I can't believe it. Six months? How could I not have seen that?" Regina bit her lip as she tried to think about the six months where Emma had been pregnant, but nothing stood out, except for the change in wardrobe. Oh god – the oversized sweaters. "I've been so blind."

"I'm a little shocked that she didn't tell you, to be honest. She often spoke fondly of you, it seemed as if you two were... close friends?" Madison asked in confusion.

"I suppose we became closer the last couple of months, but I don't know what to say. I've greatly failed Emma as a friend if I didn't even see that she was pregnant," Regina reasoned.

"I wouldn't be so harsh on yourself, she didn't have the huge belly, not even when she was about ready to pop. You could look at her from behind and not see a damn thing."

"I- I'm sorry. I'm just incredibly shocked. Why wouldn't she tell us? What happened to the baby? Oh- Oh god, did she give it up for adoption?" Regina asked in horror, she knew Emma would never forgive herself for that in the long run.

Madison took a deep breath, "I think I should tell you the entire story from the beginning. When Emma came here she was six months pregnant. She didn't know the first couple of months, she took a test when she was four months pregnant and when she finally went to speak to Killian about it, he freaked out on her. Said he wasn't ready to be a father, that a child wasn't something he wanted or had planned on in his endeavors with her."

Regina grumbled, "Fucking pirate."

"What?"

"Nothing, please continue."

"Emma was incredibly sad when she first came here. Wouldn't leave the bed for days, that all changed though when she got her first ultrasound. The moment she heard the heartbeat was the moment the light in her eyes returned. Before that she spoke of giving the baby up for adoption, much like she had done with Henry before. I think it greatly pained her to even think of it, but you know what Emma's like, always underestimates her own capabilities."

Regina nodded.

"She became more determined to take the baby home with her. Tried to think of ways to tell her family, but she always came up empty. She knew people would be furious at her for keeping this a secret, and I think that's why she never told anyone. She wasn't ready to deal with questions, she just wanted to be-"

"Emma," Regina finished for her. "Free of responsibilities."

Madison nodded, "Emma's water broke three weeks early." Madison took a deep breath, "The amniotic fluid... It had this almost kind of green glow to it. She was rushed to the hospital and as it turned out, there was meconium in her amniotic fluid and the baby inhaled it.

"Oh god," Regina gasped as she brought her hand to her mouth and her eyes glossed over. Madison leaned over and took Regina's hand in her own, her eyes were kind but shone with the same amount of sadness as she could always see in Emma's. "When the baby was born, he was blue."

"Emma had another boy?" Regina squeezed the hand that held on to hers as tears rolled down her cheek. "Henry has a brother?"

Madison nodded, "It took ten minutes before he was finally able to breath and he was brought to the NICU. Emma didn't get to see him for the first three hours. His heart... it beat too fast. He was placed in an incubator to make sure he got enough oxygen."

"Please tell me the baby is okay," Regina croaked out. "Please." A sob escaped her throat as her hands trembled. "Is he?"

"The baby died, Regina. There was bleeding in his lungs and his heart... he just wasn't strong enough yet."

"Oh god," Regina cried out as she fell into Madison's arms, completely overwhelmed by the hurt she felt for Emma and her baby.

"Ssh," Madison cooed as she let Regina go through her emotions. She had already been there and while it still hurt to think about the baby that Emma had lost, she also felt a bit disconnected from it all after Emma had left.

"I can't believe it," Regina finally said as she sat up straight and dried her eyes. "Why wouldn't Emma tell us?"

"She's hurt, she feels guilty and responsible. The first few days she kept saying it was her fault and that she was being punished for wanting to give the baby up for adoption. Emma's doctor suggested she should go to grief counseling, but Emma refused. Said she could work through it on her own. Maybe I should have done more for her. I think I felt a little lost as well. She stayed in her room for days and only came out to shower once in a while. So when she finally left her room and smiled at me I clung to it and perhaps did the same as Emma – forgot about what happened and tried to move on, I just wanted her to be okay again."

"It all feels so surreal," Regina murmured. "I can't believe she was pregnant for six months and none of us noticed and she... She lost her baby. Her behavior makes so much more sense now, she's grieving and depressed. And… we've all been _pounding_ on her like vultures to a carcass."

Madison smiled, "That's on Emma though. You couldn't have known. You can't blame yourself for getting angry at her if she's been acting like a bitch."

"She hasn't. She's been very protective of Henry, which makes sense now. And she's just been incredibly agitated and annoyed with people."

"More than usual you mean," Madison winked and Regina chuckled, thankful for the brief moment of distraction that the woman offered her.

"Yeah, I suppose so. W-what happened to the baby?"

Madison took a deep breath, "He was cremated. I know she brought him home with her."

"What was his name?" Regina's lip quivered as she prepared herself for the answer. To know that Emma's baby had died was already killing her, but to know his actual name would just completely destroy her, but she had to know.

"I think Emma should be the one to tell you that," Madison said softly. "Here," she reached over and grabbed an envelope from the table. "I meant to send this to Emma, but when she stopped contacting me, I thought perhaps it would hurt too much, so I've been saving it for her." She handed the envelope to Regina who opened it with trembling hands.

A sob escaped her throat as she took out the picture. It was Emma with her hands on her belly as she smiled into the camera. Regina's thumb traced over the belly, "She looks so happy."

"She was, it took a while, but that picture speaks nothing but the truth."

"I don't know how she does it, continuing her everyday life as if nothing happened."

"Is she though?"

"I guess not. I just don't understand why she wouldn't tell us or why she wouldn't even tell us that she was pregnant in the first place. Her leaving makes sense now, but I just wished she would have reached out. We could have helped her."

Madison smiled, "You love her."

"What?" Regina asked, her voice slightly wavered in confusion.

"If you didn't, you wouldn't have come all the way here just to find out what happened. I know you did it for Henry as well, but it's evident that you care for her a great deal."

Regina nodded, "Of course I care about her."

Madison smiled, it was obvious to her that Regina's _care_ for Emma was much more than that, but it wasn't her place to comment on it. "You should take that picture with you, maybe it will help to get Emma to talk to you."

"Thank you, I should probably make my way back home. I'm sure Henry is anxious to hear from me, I'm not quite sure what to tell him."

"I know it's not my place to tell you what to do. But, I wouldn't tell him the details just yet. Emma should be the one to tell him, or she should be the one to tell you that you can tell him. She needs time to deal with this and I think, if you really want to help her, that should be your first priority."

"You're right. I'm sorry, I'm not thinking clearly. It's a lot to take in."

"I completely understand, you forget that I've had months to deal with this. Please don't think I'm insensitive. If you see Emma, will you tell her I miss her? She doesn't have to contact me until she is ready, but I do hope she will eventually."

Regina smiled, "I will tell her. Thank you so much for speaking to me, you have been a great help and thank you for taking care of Emma while she was here. I would hate to think of Emma having to do this all by herself."

"She's my friend, I would do anything for her." She gave Regina a friendly hug when she stood up, "You know, Emma really did talk about you a lot. If anyone can get her to open up, it's most definitely you."

"Thank you for the vote of confidence, I will do my absolute best."

* * *

Regina was absolutely exhausted by the time she walked through her front door. Taking road trips wasn't her favorite thing in the world, especially not when she had to do it all in one day. She smiled when Henry came running down the stairs and engulfed her in a hug.

"Welcome back, Mom."

"Thank you, did you behave?"

Henry rolled his eyes, "Of course. I had dinner at Granny's and Ruby dropped me off at home and played some video games with me before she left. Did you talk to Madison?"

"I did, she is a lovely woman. I can see why you're so fond of her." She took his hand and brought them to the living room. "Sit down."

"Am I in trouble?"

"No," she smiled and sat down next to him on the couch. "I know you're eager to find out what happened to Emma, but I'm afraid you're going to have to wait a little longer. I've spoken to Madison in great lengths and I'm putting the puzzle together, but I need to talk to Emma first."

"Do you know what happened?"

Regina nodded.

Henry frowned, "But you're not going to tell me?"

"Not yet, Henry. I need some time to figure out the entire story and until I do, it's best that I don't give you pieces here and there. So, just like you've been giving Emma time, you need to give me some time as well. Do you understand?"

Henry shrugged, "I guess so, but I'm a little bit angry that you won't tell me. Is it really bad?"

Regina nodded, "It's definitely not good, Henry. But I promise you that Emma will be okay again, it's just going to take time. I'm going to talk to her tomorrow and you're going to stay with your grandparents because I have no idea how that conversation with her will go."

"Are you angry at Emma?"

"No, sweetheart. Not at all. But Emma does need someone to talk to and right now I think it's best if that person is me. She may not be open to it, but you know us, eventually we'll start talking to one another."

"You're not going to fireball her or anything, right?"

Regina smiled, "Not a chance. I would never do anything to intentionally hurt Emma."


	3. I've come to talk with you again

Regina knocked on Emma's door with a heavy heart. She had dropped Henry off with his grandparents and all three of them made her promise that she would be kind to Emma and to call them if she learned any more information. She had briefly contemplated telling Mary Margaret about Emma's pregnancy, but she knew it wasn't her place to tell. So she had given them the same spiel that she had given Henry and they had accepted it – mostly.

Her annoyance with Emma immediately returned when she didn't open the door and part of her was glad that she could still feel anything other than utter heart ache over the news she had learned yesterday. "Emma, I know you're home. Open up."

"Go away," a tired voice called out.

"Open up or I poof. Your call." When no response came, Regina growled and poofed inside the house. The annoyance she felt earlier ebbed away and guilt invaded her body when she saw Emma curled up on the couch, her baby blanket covering her stomach.

"Please go away," Emma said with a small voice. "I'm too tired."

Regina took off her coat and placed it over one of the chairs before sitting down on the coffee table in front of Emma. She fought every instinct to reach out to Emma as she tried to figure out the best way to tell Emma that she knew about the baby.

"When is the last time you've eaten a proper meal?"

"I don't know, I'm not all that hungry," Emma replied.

"When was the last time you've taken a shower?"

"What's it to you? Do I reek?" Emma snapped as she hugged the blanket tighter to her.

Regina leaned forward and sniffed, "I wouldn't say you reek, but it's definitely not a particularly pleasant smell either." She hated this whole array of emotions she was going through. Part of her wanted to yell at Emma to get up, and part of her just wanted to hug her until she would finally open up. Her eyes glanced through the room and she sighed, option one would benefit Emma in the short-term and it would probably be a good segue into option two.

"What are you doing here, Regina?"

"I'm giving you a choice: you either get up and go take a shower while I order a pizza, or I'm drawing you a bath and I will poof you into it before ordering a pizza. Either way, this ends with you getting wet," Regina smirked.

"Neither of those options sound remotely like anything I want to be doing right now."

"Tough," Regina said as she held out her hand and smiled when Emma grabbed it. She pulled her to her feet, "I know you're sad, Emma. You don't have to hide it from me. You also don't have to talk to me about it right this minute, but you do need to take care of yourself. So go take that shower and I will clean up this pigsty because honestly... right now, I want to throttle you for exposing our son to this."

Emma sighed, "It's not.. When Henry's here… it's clean. He's not been around much lately, and I'm just tired. I can clean it myself."

"Obviously you can't," Regina pointed out as she gave Emma a light push in the direction of the bathroom. "Go."

"Do I really smell?"

"Terribly."

Regina chuckled when Emma growled and took off. She looked around the room and sighed. Clearly cleaning her apartment had been Emma's last priority and if it wasn't for the fact that she knew Emma was incredibly hurt, she would have given the woman an earful.

She put in the order for a pizza and opened Emma 's refrigerator. She winced at the stench coming from it and grabbed the trashcan as she threw out most of the products. A particularly moldy-looking banana made her shiver, and when she could hear the shower run she turned on the hot water tab for a few seconds and grinned when Emma yelled at her to turn it off.

After thirty gruesome minutes, the apartment finally looked spotless again and she settled herself on the couch, waiting for Emma to reappear. The shower was still going and honestly Regina was glad. She hoped that the shower would bring Emma some comfort, or at least make her feel somewhat refreshed. She picked up the baby blanket and brought it to her nose and inhaled. "Gross," she murmured before folding it up and placing it over the edge of the couch.

She crossed her legs and played with the fabric of her pants while she waited. It felt strange to be in Emma's apartment. Everyone had been so glad when Emma finally got her own place – especially Henry – as it meant everyone regained some of their privacy. Henry was just glad not to have to share his mother with three other people anymore. Little Neal wasn't so little anymore after all, and kept demanding more and more attention from his older sister and it often left Henry feeling quite jealous when Neal interrupted their time together.

"Pizza here yet?" Emma asked as she sat down on the couch, looking everywhere except at Regina.

"No. How was your shower, Miss Swan?"

Emma groaned, "Can you not? You haven't called me that in weeks or months. I thought we were past that?"

"You're right. How was your shower, Emma?"

"Fine, I particularly enjoyed those thirty seconds where you conveniently forgot I was in the shower and turned on the water tab just so my shower would turn ice cold."

Regina grinned, "Bet it woke you up though. Besides, I didn't forget, it was punishment."

"For what," Emma scoffed.

"That moldy banana, it practically grew legs so it could run far away from here," Regina shivered at the thought.

"Makes sense, eventually everything leaves me," Emma said deflated and Regina's heart ached.

"I'm still here," Regina murmured quietly.

"I know, thank you for cleaning this mess," Emma said as she waved her hands around. "I promise it doesn't always look that bad. It just got away from me." She was quiet for a long time as she fiddled with her thumbs. "Why are you here, Regina?"

"Henry is worried about you." She turned her head to look at Emma, "And quite frankly, he's not the only one." Regina took a deep breath and briefly closed her eyes, hoping Emma wouldn't fly off the handle with what she was about to say. "Tell me about your break up with the pirate."

Emma shook her head, "I'm done talking about that."

Regina laughed a humorless laugh, "You've never actually spoken about it, Emma. You just announced your break up and skipped town and no matter what your reasons were for doing so, you do need to talk about it. So, you can talk to me, or I'll call your mother."

Emma rolled her eyes, "Those threats may work on a child, they won't work on me. I don't owe anyone an explanation."

"As Henry's mother I disagree. I have a right to know why you left and stayed away for four months." God, it hurt to be so hard on Emma, but she couldn't come right out and tell her that she knew the real reason why Emma had left. And Regina had never been known for her subtlety, they always seemed to come together best after an intense fight, so if riling up Emma was the way to go, she had no problems making it happen.

"It just didn't work out and I needed some space to get my head straight."

Regina arched a brow, "Obviously you didn't get your head straight, Emma, because you're moody, bitter, and numb. You've lost weight, you're isolating yourself, you're constantly on edge and you look like you're ready to gun down anyone who even dares to look at Henry."

"Wow – anything else you'd like to add to my long list of disappointments?"

"Yes, as a matter of fact. You're barely functioning at work, you haven't smiled a genuine smile in weeks and you have nightmares that make you scream in your sleep. So, no matter how hard you try and deny it, something is definitely wrong." She got up from the couch when the doorbell rang and looked at Emma before opening the door and softly spoke, her voice more gentle this time, "You are not a disappointment, Emma."

* * *

An hour had passed when Emma reached for the last pizza slice, "May I?"

"Please do, I'm glad you're eating," Regina said as she reached for her drink. "If I had known pizza would do the trick I would have made Henry make you pizza every day."

"It's not like I've not been eating at all, I've just been really tired and cooking is the last thing I want to do. I've eaten my bear claws," Emma defended.

Regina rolled her eyes, "Those things are going to give you really bad indigestion one of these days. I'm glad Henry doesn't eat them."

"That's gross," Emma pointed out as she shoved the pizza into her mouth and groaned. "Thank you for ordering me pizza," she murmured after she swallowed.

"You're quite welcome."

"Is Henry okay? I don't want him to be worried about me."

Regina shrugged, "Too late for that, he already is. It's not going to go away until he sees that you are doing better. He knows you need time but he doesn't understand what's wrong and I think he wants to know because he wants to help you."

"He can't," Emma responded softly. "He can't fix this. No one can."

Regina leaned down and reached into her bag and grabbed the envelope that held the picture. She turned the envelope over in her hands before looking at Emma. This was either going to be the thing that would make Emma talk or it would be the thing that would send Emma over some kind of edge that she could never return from and Regina felt absolutely terrified. It was obvious that Emma wasn't planning on telling her anytime soon. But, whether Emma realized it or not, it was obvious to her that the blonde needed to talk about what had transpired and if it was up to Regina to play the big bad wolf, then so be it.

"I have to tell you something and you will probably get mad."

"Sounds like a fun conversation," Emma sighed.

"I went to see someone because you refused to speak to anyone and I... I wanted to help you, Emma," Regina said nervously.

Emma's eyes closed, "Who?"

"Madison." She swallowed thickly before looking at Emma, who just sat there, completely numb as tears welled up in her eyes.

"You had no right," Emma finally spat out as she stood up and paced the floor. "Madison is _my_ friend. How dare you go behind my back, Regina!"

"You left me no choice," Regina said calmly. "If you would have spoken to me, or to anyone for that matter, I wouldn't have had to do it."

"What did she tell you?"

Regina sighed. She didn't want to tell Emma what she knew. She wanted the information to come from Emma but _god_ Emma was going to kill her if she ever found out that Regina had lied to her and kept this knowledge from her.

"Will you come sit down?"

"No."

"Please, Emma."

"Regina, what did Madison tell you," Emma's chest was heaving as she looked at Regina. "What," she yelled.

Regina stood up and walked over to Emma and handed her the envelope. "Open it."

Emma took it with trembling hands, "What is this?"

"You'll see."

"I feel like I'm about to throw up," Emma murmured as she opened the envelope.

Regina watched her closely as Emma's fingers closed around the picture and pulled it out of the envelope. She watched as tears rolled down Emma's cheeks and panic settled in her eyes and she watched as Emma dropped the picture and ran off to the bathroom. Her own eyes closed briefly before taking a deep breath as she followed Emma into the bathroom and held Emma's hair back while she heaved. Rubbing slow circles on Emma's back she shushed her softly until Emma rested her head against the cold tiles on the floor.

"Does Henry know," Emma finally asked after Regina had handed her a cold washcloth.

"No. I didn't tell anyone."

"Well, thank fuck for that," Emma said angrily. "So what, you're going to hold this over my head in our next argument? Threaten to tell everyone about the Savior who fucked up and got pregnant if I don't do your bidding? Will you take Henry away from me because I couldn't keep a baby alive?"

"What? Emma, no. Don't be ridiculous!" Regina was shocked at the accusation and it hurt her beyond anything than she was willing to admit.

"Am I? It wouldn't be the first time you've used my past against me."

Regina gasped audibly as she stood up and stalked out of the bathroom. She paced up and down the living room as she cursed Emma under her breath. She knew Emma was just lashing out at her because Regina had discovered her secret, but that didn't mean that the words didn't hurt any less. Once upon a time she might have been evil enough to use the information against Emma, but over the last couple of months they had become friends – close friends even, and the last thing she wanted to do was to cause Emma anymore hurt than what she was already going through.

She sat down on the couch, determined not to let Emma win this fight. She was going to help her, no matter what Emma would throw her way. It took thirty minutes before Emma finally walked out of the bathroom and held up her hands, "I'm waving the white flag."

"That was utter shit, Emma. I would never hurt you like that. I would like to think you know that's in the past."

"Why did you go to Madison," Emma asked as she sat down. "Why would you do that?"

"Because we were worried, Emma. You're not doing well and it's obvious now why you're not. You need to talk to someone and it might as well just be me now." Regina tucked a leg under her knee, "Emma, I'm so sorry that you lost your baby."

"Don't," Emma croaked out. "Just don't."

"Emma."

"I can't, Regina. It hurts too much. I just want to pretend like it never happened. I can't do this."

Regina reached over and took Emma's hand, holding on to it tightly when Emma tried to pull away. "Listen to me, Emma. You have to talk about it. It's going to destroy you if you don't. It already is and it's destroying _me_ to see you like this. Please, you don't have to do this alone. Just talk to me. I'm not going to judge you, I just want you to know you don't have to do this alone."

Emma sniffed as more tears rolled down her cheek, "I don't know how to talk about this. It's been ten weeks and I still feel like I'm dying inside. What am I supposed to say? It hurts?"

"That would be a start. Tell me what happened, Emma. Start at the beginning and let me in."

Emma took a deep breath and looked at the hand that was still holding on to hers. "You can't tell anyone, Regina. I don't want them to know. I don't want the pity looks and the pity hugs and the questions and inquisitions."

Regina nodded, "I won't tell anyone, that is up to you."

"The first three months, I didn't notice a thing. I didn't get my period but they've always been inconsistent. It didn't strike me as odd or whatever until I looked in the mirror one day and my stomach looked the same as it did with Henry. I never got big with him either. I took a test and I just felt empty when I saw the stupid stripe. Killian and I slept together twice, Regina. Twice and we used protection."

"Did he put on the condom with his hook?"

Emma smiled a small smile, thankful for Regina's usual sass. "Even if he had, I was on the pill. It was an accident and not one I was happy about. I-" she sighed, "I didn't love him. I didn't want to raise a child with him. So I did what I do best and ignored it for a while, went about my business as usual until I started showing. The only one that commented on my wardrobe change was Mary Margaret and part of me wanted to tell her, but you know what she's like. She would have squealed with delight."

"You could have told me," Regina offered quietly.

"I thought about it, but I didn't know how you would react. I was scared, Regina. I still am."

"Okay."

"Killian and I fought a lot, I didn't want to sleep with him anymore and he got frustrated. He didn't do anything bad, but I felt uncomfortable enough to push him off me and that's when I told him." She squeezed Regina's hand as her fingers trembled. "He was so mad. I thought he was mad because I waited so long to tell him, but he just kept shouting that he didn't want to be a father and that I should get rid of it."

"What?" Regina said angrily. "Fucking pirate."

"I told him it was a bit too late for that, and I didn't have any intentions of doing so. He broke up with me on the spot, said that his life wasn't meant to turn out this way and that if I kept secrets like this from him for so long, he couldn't trust me anymore."

Regina glanced sideways at Emma and inhaled sharply when she noticed how Emma was shaking. She wrapped an arm around Emma's shoulder and pulled her against her, she smiled when Emma froze before relaxing under the touch and laid her head on Regina's shoulder. "Is that why you left?"

"Yes. I was panicking. I didn't know what to do. I thought if I could just go back to New York I could fix it there. Give the baby up for adoption and come back like nothing had happened. I lived through it once, I was sure I could do it again."

"What changed?"

"Madison. She took me for an ultrasound and when I heard the baby's heartbeat I knew I could never give it up. That baby was Henry's half-brother, you know? I didn't want to take that away from him. It wouldn't have been fair."

"What about you?"

"I guess I couldn't do it either. I wanted to keep this baby close, do it right this time and not fuck it up like I did with Henry."

Regina gently shook her head, "You didn't fuck it up, Emma, you gave Henry his best shot and look what came of it. You found your family and you gave me a family when you gave Henry up for adoption. I will forever be grateful for that."

"But you know what I mean, what if I would have given this baby up and in ten years' time they'd come looking for me? I wouldn't have an excuse like I had with Henry. I know what I did for Henry was the best, but it wouldn't have been the case with this baby."

Regina's eyes closed as she inhaled and took deep, steady breaths. She enjoyed having Emma close, but it felt so wrong to enjoy it while Emma was telling her the story of her heart ache. The story she had been after for weeks now. "Madison said the baby came early?"

Emma nodded and wiped away the tears that seemed to be everlasting. "I think for six weeks I was happy to be pregnant. That picture was taken by Madison. I wanted something to remember the happiness I felt, I never had that with Henry. I felt like I owed it to the baby as well. Three weeks before my due date, I was sitting on the couch at Madison's. We were laughing over some stupid show on TV and my water suddenly broke and I got the worst pain in my stomach. Nothing like what happened with Henry.

"The water… it was almost green, and I just knew something was wrong. Madison called the ambulance and I was rushed into the hospital. Madison wasn't allowed to come into the delivery room with me, I was alone and in so much pain."

Regina pulled Emma tighter to her as she blinked to try and get the tears to go away. One woman falling apart was enough, she didn't need to add to it.

"Doctor Sullivan tried to keep me calm, said we were going to have a quick delivery. I didn't ask questions, I just wanted to get the baby out, and all I could think was that Henry's delivery felt so different. I was in pain with him, but this... this felt different. Doctor Sullivan looked at me and told me to give it one last push and when I did… and the baby came out…" Emma choked on a sob. "The silence was deafening. I never understood what people meant when they said that, but he didn't cry and he was so blue."

"I think I cried out for him, wanting to hold him, but I couldn't. They took him to the NICU while they patched me up and when I was finally ready to leave Doctor Sullivan came to speak to me."

Regina swallowed thickly, she wasn't ready for this one bit. It was one thing hearing it from Madison, but to hear the words fall from Emma's lips was tearing her apart with each spoken syllable.

"I need a drink," Emma said suddenly as she got up. "Do you want one?"

Regina nodded, "The stronger the better."

Emma smiled, "Seems to be our thing, hm? I've tried very hard to stay away from drinking. I didn't want to lose myself in alcohol, but I guess since you're here, it's okay."

"I'll keep you from getting drunk. One drink can't hurt."

Emma scoffed, "I'm already hurt."

She handed Regina her drink and sat back down on the couch, this time further away from Regina. "Doctor Sullivan told me that he wasn't doing well. His heart beat way too fast and he had aspirated the meconium before he was born, they didn't know how much, but he was struggling with breathing. They put him in an incubator and pumped oxygen into it to help him. She took me too him and – god… he looked so fragile, Regina. It broke my heart. I couldn't touch him, couldn't feel his skin, nothing."

Emma's chest heaved as she cried, "I could only touch him through the incubator and it just wasn't the same. He looked like he was in so much pain, a baby shouldn't be in pain. The heart monitor freaked me out, and when Doctor Sullivan told me it was time to leave and let him rest, I refused to go. I couldn't leave him behind. Eventually I had to though, I was exhausted. They put me in a bed and I don't remember how long I lay awake before I finally fell asleep."

"Doctor Sullivan woke me up at quarter after three in the morning, she said his lungs had started bleeding and he had stopped breathing, but they got him back. I felt so numb, Regina. She took me to a private room in the NICU and when she placed him in my arms I knew he wasn't going to make it. I think she explained it all to me, but I didn't hear a word. All I could think about was that I finally had him in my arms and I never wanted to let him go. His face scrunched up the way Henry's does and it made me smile, and it made me so sad that Henry would never get to know him."

Emma took a gulp of her drink and coughed, "God, I haven't had alcohol in almost a year. It tastes awful."

"That must be why your glass is almost empty," Regina said in attempt to lighten the mood somewhat.

Emma took a deep breath as her thumb traced the top of the glass, memories flooding her brain. "It was very peaceful. He just went to sleep and never woke up. The nurse came in to turn off the heart monitor and to remove his IV's. I held him for another two hours before they finally took him away. He was beautiful, Regina. I miss him so much," she said as her lower lip trembled. "All I had to do was keep him alive inside of me and I failed."

Regina sat down her glass and grabbed Emma's from her hand and put it on the table before pulling Emma into a hug. "You didn't fail, Emma. What happened was beyond unfair, but you are not to be blamed."

"I begged the universe to give him back to me in the weeks following. I made deals and they were all ignored. It should have been me."

"Don't you even say that, Emma," Regina chastised. "I- we wouldn't know what to do without you. Don't ever say that again."

"I looked it up you know? The stages of grief. Doctor Sullivan gave me a folder and encouraged me to go into grief counseling, but I didn't want to. According to the grief stages I'm currently in my depression stage, does it surprise you?"

Regina laughed a breathless laugh, "No. But, I don't know if those stages work like that. I think you go back and forth. That being said, I do think it helps that you're talking about it and for what it is worth, I am so very sorry."

"I know, it's okay. Well, it's not okay, but there's nothing anyone can do. I didn't want to leave the bed when I went home to Madison's. I cried until I couldn't cry anymore. I threw plates, punched walls and bargained with the universe and nothing helped. He's still gone and he'll never come back."

"Did you give him a name?"

Emma pulled back from the hug and drank the last of her drink, "I did. Nathan. I don't even know why, he looked like a Nathan."

"It's a beautiful name, Emma."

Emma nodded, "I feel a bit better."

"You've held it all in for so long, Emma, it weighs you down. Thank you for opening up to me. You are still going to have days where you won't be able to get out of bed and it's still going to hurt, but you don't have to do it alone anymore, Emma. You can lean on me."

"Thank you. I'm sorry that I didn't tell you before and just left like that. I was just panicking."

"You don't have to apologize, Emma. I understand, I didn't understand before, but I do now."

Neither woman spoke after that. Regina was still trying to process all the information that she had learned over the last couple of hours. She had no idea how to go about helping Emma, but she was immensely glad that she had finally opened up to her. It made it that much easier to keep her promise to Henry. _God, Henry_. Her eyes closed for a brief moment when she thought about how hurt her son would be over having lost a brother he never even got to know. Taken from this world before Henry even knew he existed. She didn't blame Emma for not telling anyone – she just wished she would have told _someone -_ her. It wouldn't have changed the outcome, but perhaps… She could have helped Emma more and saved her from all the pain she felt now.


	4. Take my arms that I might lead you

It had been two weeks since Emma had finally shared her story with Regina and they had spoken every night since. It had been as if Emma had opened the flood gates and she couldn't shut them anymore. Regina didn't mind though. The mere fact that Emma trusted her enough to open up to her warmed her heart and while Emma's stories were absolutely heartbreaking, she knew Emma needed to get them out of her system in order to start her healing process.

Emma still refused to tell her parents about what had happened and Regina was slowly working up the courage to tell Emma that she needed to inform Henry. She knew Henry would be incredibly hurt by it, but he deserved to know. He came to her every night to ask if she was ready to tell him what had happened yet and she could see the hurt in his eyes every night when she shook her head and had to tell him no.

Henry was getting more agitated with her though and she knew she couldn't put it off any longer, which had led to her sitting on the savior's couch once more. A small smile spread on her lips when Emma hungrily attacked the pizza she brought for her. It was those tiny gestures that seemed to benefit Emma the most at the moment – and she happily obliged them.

"Emma?"

"Hm?" Emma looked up as she munched on a mouthful of the pizza.

Regina took a deep breath, "I know you're not ready for what I'm about to ask and I understand that it's highly unfair to ask it of you, but-"

"You want me to tell Henry," Emma said matter-of-factly.

"Yes," Regina nodded with a painful expression. "He asks about you every night, it's tearing him apart not knowing what you're going through. You know how sensitive he gets."

Emma nodded and bit her lip. Telling Regina was one thing, but actually having to tell her son was another thing entirely. She didn't want him to have to go through the same hurt as she had. He was too young to deal with that kind of pain, especially after having lost Neal just when he had found him. Guilt washed over her and settled in her stomach, "I already took so much away from Henry. What if he judges me for it?"

"He won't. Henry is the most kind-hearted person we both know. He will never judge you, Emma. But, he deserves to know the truth. If you're not ready to tell him, than perhaps I should. His behavior – while understandable – is getting more erratic and I don't want him to spiral out of control."

"He's coming over this weekend, isn't he?" Emma's eyes narrowed as she looked at the mayor who sat opposite of her. "The days are still blurry for me."

"He is. If you're ready."

Emma nodded, "I want to see him. It's going to be hard, but I will tell him myself." She swallowed thickly before continuing, "Will… Will you come over as well when I tell him? I don't think I can do it alone."

Regina looked up in surprise, not sure what she expected Emma to say, but this definitely wasn't it. "Of course."

"Thank you," Emma's lips curled up in a small smile and Regina's heart fluttered once more. Madison's words had repeated themselves in her head over and over and a small part of her was finally accepting that her feelings towards Emma exceeded that of a mere friendship. She harbored feelings for Emma that she hadn't felt since Daniel and it scared her to death.

It wasn't because Emma was a woman – she had plenty of adventures with women in her Enchanted Forest days – no. What scared her to death was the fact that Emma had somehow managed to wiggle her way into her heart and she was absolutely positive that those feelings were in no way returned, and it was _that_ thought that made her heart ache all over again. Not to mention the fact that Emma was in a world of pain and Regina felt guilty about having inappropriate thoughts about the woman when she was opening herself up to her.

"Of course. I'm here for you every step of the way, Emma," Regina said with sincerity.

"Look how far we've come, huh?" Emma joked and Regina could have burst into tears when she noticed the light amusement displayed in the blonde's eyes. She had missed seeing that more than she was willing to admit. But for some reason, the small glint in Emma's eyes made her feel hopeful that Emma could get through this. That they could get through this, together.

* * *

To say that Henry looked confused would be a gross understatement, Regina thought as she sat opposite of Emma and their son on the couch. He was fidgeting with his fingers in much the same manner as Emma would whenever she got nervous. When he had asked her why she was coming along to Emma's, she had just shrugged and told him that Emma wished to speak to him and required her presence. He had tried to push for more information but one glare had put an end to that quite quickly.

Emma swallowed thickly before she switched positions and tugged her feet under her legs. "Uh…"

"Are you okay, Ma?"

"Yeah. I'm just a little nervous."

Regina cleared her throat to get Emma to focus and rolled her eyes when Emma threw her a bitchy glare instead. "Don't give me that look, dear. I'm here to support you, wouldn't want your glare to run me straight out of the door, now would we?"

Emma huffed and took Henry's hand into her own. "I don't even know where to begin or how to tell you this, Henry. It's going to hurt you."

Henry nodded, "I can deal with it, Ma. You've been hurting for a long time now. Maybe if you share it with other people, you will hurt a little less?"

Emma smiled gently, their son was incredibly brave and she loved his sweet and kind heart. "Maybe you are right." She took a deep breath and closed her eyes for a moment as she recalled the night she left. It would be as good a place to start as any.

"The night I left for New York is the night Killian and I broke up." Emma's voice trembled as her eyes glossed over, "Henry, I was pregnant."

Henry gasped as his eyes grew wide and swallowed thickly, not wanting to interrupt his mother.

"Killian… I don't wish to taint the image you have of him."

Regina scoffed, "The pirate was an asshole to your mother." She ignored the glare that Emma shot her.

"He couldn't deal with the thought of becoming a father and told me he didn't want this in his future. So we broke up and I ran. I always run when the going gets tough. I apologize for leaving the way I did and not telling you." She smiled when Henry squeezed her hand. "I went to stay with Madison. I thought about giving the baby up for adoption, but in the end I couldn't do it." She looked at Regina, "I know that giving you up for adoption was the best thing I could have done, but I wouldn't have the same excuse this time."

"I understand," Henry murmured.

"My water broke three weeks early and there were complications." Tears spilled from Emma's eyes as her hands trembled with fear, guilt and a whole array of emotions she couldn't quite place. "I can't do it, Regina…" Emma sobbed as she shook her head.

"Ma…" Henry pleaded.

Regina got up from her seat and squatted down on her knees as she placed her hands on top of Emma's who was still holding on to Henry's. "Henry, Emma gave birth to a little boy. His name was Nathan. He was _very_ sick when he was born and his lungs and his heart… They weren't strong enough yet and Nathan died."

Henry blinked at the information and silently fell into Regina's arms, seeking comfort. She wrapped an arm around him as she intertwined the fingers of her other hand with Emma's and squeezed them. After a few minutes she cupped his cheek and placed a kiss on his forehead.

"I have a brother," Henry asked quietly as he looked at Emma.

She nodded and took a deep, shaky breath, "W-would you like to meet him?"

Henry's brows furrowed in confusion for a moment before nodding. He wrapped his arms around Regina again when Emma got up and ruffled his hair for a moment. She wanted to hug him and tell him how much she loved him, but she couldn't muster up the courage. What she was about to do was already hard enough.

"Are you okay," Regina whispered as she stroked his back lovingly.

"I knew something was wrong but I never thought it would be this," Henry said as she pulled back from the hug and sat back down on the couch. "I understand Ma's nightmares now."

"I know you are worried about Emma, but I need to know how you are feeling, Henry," Regina said more firmly this time.

"I am sad that the baby died and that Ma had to do this all alone." Henry shrugged, "I don't really understand why the baby died."

Regina gave him a lop-sided, yet sad smile as her brows arched, "Sometimes baby's don't make it, Henry. Nathan had a lot of complications and his heart and his lungs weren't strong enough. It wasn't anyone's fault. He was bleeding internally and while the doctors tried everything they could, he just didn't make it. It's incredibly unfair and I'm sorry that you never got to meet your baby brother."

Henry nodded, "I would have liked to be a big brother."

"You still are," Emma called out as she entered the living room. "I know it's not the same, but wherever he is, he still your baby brother. I'm sorry that I kept him from you, Henry. I was wrong in doing so." Emma sat down as she inhaled sharply. In her hands she held a baby blanket, one that was eerily similar to her own.

"This was the blanket they wrapped him in when…" Emma swallowed thickly. "When he died… I wrapped it around his urn because I couldn't deal with it. I kept the urn in my closet, which is probably a horrible thing to do," Emma huffed.

"It's not horrible," Regina softly interjected. "You weren't ready to deal with it. I'm glad you're going to show Henry now. Do you want me to leave?"

Emma shook her head, "I want you to meet him as well. I couldn't have gotten here if it wasn't for you."

Regina swallowed away the lump that formed in her throat as she nodded. Emma unfolded the blanket and a medium-sized silver box came into view and Regina's heart damn near broke at the sight of it. The urn looked like a child's play box. On the top side of the urn the name Nathan Swan was engraved in curly letters. On each side of his name it showed a hand print, which Regina presumed was Nathan's. Each of the four sides showed a different picture: a small teddy bear, a broken heart, two feet prints and the last one showed the image of a mother's hand covering that of her child's.

"Hi, Nathan," Henry whispered softly as he placed a hand on top of the hand print. "He has really tiny fingers!"

Emma smiled, "He did. He looked like you, Henry. I wish I could show you pictures of what he looked like. They offered to take pictures but it hurt too much. I couldn't do it. It's my biggest regret."

"I don't think you should hide the box, Ma," Henry offered as his fingers trailed the small teddy bear. "He deserves to be with you."

Emma wiped away a tear that rolled down her cheek, "I'm not sure I'm ready for that. I don't want anyone to come in here to ask questions about it."

"Perhaps you could put it in your bedroom," Regina suggested.

"I want to think about it," Emma said. She held the blanket close to her and sniffed it as her eyes closed. With a croaked voice she whispered, "It still smells like him. He was beautiful, Henry. I'm so sorry that I didn't tell you. I wish you could've met him."

"It's okay, Ma. I'm sorry you lost him." He inhaled sharply before wrapping his arms around Emma and a tight hug.

Regina got up from her knees and moved to the kitchen as she took a deep breath. Henry was taking all the information surprisingly well, much better than she had expected in fact, but she also knew the shock of it all hadn't quite settled in yet. She opened Emma's refrigerator and pulled out the ingredients she needed to make dinner for them all. Wanting to give Emma and Henry some time together to grieve over the son and brother they never got to watch grow up. She cursed the tears that formed in her own eyes and wiped them away angrily as she started cooking. Two people falling apart in the house was enough for now.

* * *

"I looked up the meaning of his name," Emma said quietly as she sat on the loveseat with Regina. After dinner they had spent some time with Henry and watched a movie to sooth everyone's aching heart and when it was bedtime for Henry they both hugged him and expressed their love for him. It was a family moment that settled deep within Regina and for a brief moment she wished it could be like that every night.

"What does it mean?" Regina asked as she pulled the blanket higher over their knees. It was a cold night, but she appreciated the breeze that kept her awake enough not to rest her head on Emma's shoulder.

"He gives or gift of God. I don't believe in God, but I suppose he did give me something. I'm just not quite sure what it is yet. God giveth and he taketh away," Emma mocked.

"Emma…"

"Well, it's true, isn't? I just don't understand why. It feels like I got punished because I gave up one child," Emma bitterly spat out.

"You are not being punished, Emma. What happened to Nathan was horrible, but it was not your fault. There's no logic to it, you will never understand why. You will learn to accept it though, you will heal and one day it won't hurt as much."

Emma looked at Regina and gave a small nod of her head, "You're right. I'm sorry. I just feel bitter about it sometimes. I don't know the first thing about raising a baby, but I would like to think that I would have a semi-decent job of it."

Regina smiled softly, "I panicked the first week I got Henry. I didn't think I could do it and he wouldn't stop crying. Mary Margaret was actually the first person who was able to calm him down. Can you imagine that? Cursing everyone to a different land and your arch enemy is the one that soothes your child?"

Emma couldn't help but chuckle at that, "I bet she got a kick out of that once she got her memories back."

Regina snorted, "Most likely. I'm not going to ask her. We get along reasonably now, no need to add fuel to the fire."

"Do you still hate her?" Emma asked with curious eyes. She knew Regina and Mary Margaret got along better but she always wondered what feelings the mayor harbored deep inside of her.

"No. After Cora died… I realized that she probably manipulated Mary Margaret. It was her favorite game, she did it to me for god knows how many years. A part of me will always blame Snow, but Mary Margaret… I think I'm able to separate the two. Snow was just a child, she tried to do something right, but she couldn't foresee the repercussions of her actions."

"I bet you never thought you would hear those sentences come out of your mouth," Emma murmured and hid her smile when Regina prodded her side. "Sorry."

"Stop apologizing. You're fine. The Evil Queen would roll over in her grave if she heard me say such a thing."

"Uh… You _are_ the Evil Queen."

"Once upon a time, yes. Not anymore though. I'm just Regina now. Haven't we been over this before?" Regina said defensively.

"We have. I didn't mean anything by it. I don't blame your actions. It's in the past."

"Are you going to tell your parents," Regina asked with light hesitation in her voice. She didn't want to piss off Emma and she knew this was still a sore topic.

"I don't know. I still don't feel ready to do so. Mary Margaret will be an emotional sap and David… I don't even know how he is going to react. I fucked up, Regina. I ran and I didn't tell anyone. I yelled at Snow before I left and I know it hurt her feelings."

"She's very forgiving. You are her child, Emma. There's nothing you could do that would make her stop loving you. Yell, scream if you must and she will always be there, waiting for you with wide open arms." Regina huffed, "It's quite annoying just how forgiving she is."

"I think you secretly love it."

Regina smiled, "There's the Emma that we all know and-"

Emma raised an eyebrow, "Were you about ready to confess your undying love for me?

"Shut up," Regina growled.

"I'm just kidding," Emma said with a small grin. Of course the Mayor of Storybrooke didn't love the daughter of the woman she had once cursed. _That_ would be ridiculous.

"You're looking pensive," Regina said as she glanced at Emma. "What are you thinking about?"

Emma shrugged, "Everything and nothing. Dreams and hopes. Wishes and desires. Things that will never happen and situations that will never be."

"Care to elaborate?"

"I wonder about it sometimes. What it would have been like if I got to take him home with me. I already said that, didn't I?"

Regina nodded, "It's good to talk about these things though. What is it that you think about?"

"I don't know. I dream about holding him, snuggling with him, but then I wake up screaming because he evaporates. Or he dies all over again," Emma sniffed and groaned. "The nightmares won't stop."

"You're grieving, Emma. The nightmares won't stop for a while. Tell me something positive." She had to fight the urge to reach out her hand and clasp their hands together.

"What's the point?" Emma snapped.

"Indulge me."

Emma rolled her eyes, "Fine. I think about what a good brother Henry would have been. He would set such a good example. You raised him well."

Regina swallowed thickly at the compliment. She still wasn't used to hearing any positive words concerning her raising Henry and the words weighed heavy on her heart, knowing that Emma would never get to experience that with Nathan.

"I think about the color of his eyes and wonder what color they would've turned out to be. I think about Mary Margaret singing him soothing songs and David freaking out because Mary Margaret would probably want another kid after spending time with Nathan." She chuckled softly, "Sometimes I feel like Mary Margaret was meant to have like seven kids, but I couldn't imagine having that many brothers and sisters."

Regina scoffed, "She has her dwarfs for that."

"Would you have wanted to get to know him?" Emma asked softly as cast a glance at Regina.

"Nathan? Of course, he is Henry's brother. A part of him and a part of you. I couldn't imagine it any other way." Regina smiled and briefly patted Emma's knee, "Besides, if it was time for a diaper change, I would just teleport him to wherever you would be. I would have fun with that."

Emma groaned, "I bet."

"This isn't the end, you know."

"What do you mean?"

"Just because Nathan died… It doesn't mean that you can never have any of this. You are a good mother to Henry and you would have been a good mother to Nathan. You have your whole future ahead of you. It's not something you have to think about now, I understand that you are still hurting too much. I'm just letting you know that one day… in the future… perhaps there will be another child and you'll get to do all these things with them."

"Thank you," Emma murmured quietly. Regina was right, it was the last thing she wanted to think about it. "I don't know why, but talking to you over the past couple of weeks has helped immensely. It feels as if a weight has been lifted off my shoulders."

"Good. You are not alone, Emma. I know you're stubborn and I know that you think you have to do it all alone. But you can lean on Henry and… you can lean on me."

"Are we having a bonding moment?"

Regina sighed, "I suppose we were."

"It's horrible, isn't it?"

"Quite so," Regina grinned.


	5. A vision softly creeping

Regina frowned when her doorbell rang. Henry was away with David for the weekend on a fishing trip and unless there was some kind of emergency, she wasn't expecting any company. She took tentative steps towards the front door and shot a silent prayer up into nothingness that whomever was at her door would leave as soon as possible. She was in no mood for company. That thought completely vanished the moment she opened the door and saw Emma Swan standing on her doorstep, overnight bag in hand.

"Emma?"

"Hey, can I come in?"

"Of course," Regina said with a frown as she motioned for Emma to step inside. "Are you okay?" Her eyes were filled with worry as she noticed the flickering lights around the house as Emma stepped by each light. She couldn't help but roll her eyes at the lack of control Emma still had over her magic. She followed Emma into the living room and sat down on the couch next to her. "What's wrong?"

Emma looked pensively at Regina, "They know."

Regina reached out with a hand and took Emma's hand into her own and squeezed it encouragingly. Emma didn't need to say another word, she knew exactly what that meant. "Please tell me the two idiots didn't give you a hard time."

"They didn't," Emma gave a sly smile. "I just… I don't know how to deal with it, you know? Everyone was angry with me when I left and now that they know the reason they have nothing but sympathy for me? I can't handle it."

"Then what do you need?"

"For someone to tell me that I fucked up. I need someone to grab me by the throat and to tell me that I hurt them. I want someone to yell at me that what I did was wrong, that I shouldn't have left the way I did and that I should have told someone _why_ I left," Emma spat out angrily. Her frustration grew with every word and by the time she uttered the last word she just felt completely defeated.

"What will that accomplish though? You're angry at yourself because Nathan died and no amount of yelling from any of us is going to change how you feel about yourself. You need to forgive yourself, Emma. It wasn't your fault."

"Wasn't it?" Emma whipped her head around. "He was _my_ son and he _died_. _I_ didn't keep him _alive._ "

"He was sick," Regina calmly repeated. "And I will tell you this every day if I need to. It was not your fault." She sighed heavily, it was torture having to watch Emma beat herself up over her son's death. It was completely understandable, but it hurt so much to see her go back and forth between slowly coming to terms with what had happened and destroying herself with guilt. "What did they say?"

"Mary Margaret cried and David hugged me. They understand why I left, but at the same time they find it hard to accept that I didn't come to them. It's just not the same, you know? I want to go them when I feel hurt, but my entire life I've had to fend for myself, I trust them… But they are not who I look to when I'm in need of comfort."

"Who do you turn then?"

"Who do you think?" Emma shot back.

"I don't know. One could assume it would be me because you're here."

"One would be assuming correctly then. It's funny, isn't? We've come so far,"Emma mused.

Regina snorted, "From apple turn over sleeping curses you mean?"

Emma nodded, "You should make me one, without the added ingredient. Henry says they're quite tasty."

"Our son has a sweet tooth," Regina murmured. "He gets that from you, by the way. Before you showed up he ate candy once a week, as a treat. And now… bear claws, candy, popcorn, he's turning into a mini-version of you."

"Does Henry have magic?"

Regina looked at Emma, completely blind-sided by the question. "I have no idea. You have magic because you were the product of True Love. I have magic because Rumple taught me. We could teach him, if that is ever something he would be interested in. Somehow I doubt it though."

Emma nodded and her lips curled up in a small smile at the use of the word 'we'. It seemed as if lately there really was a 'we' – whatever that meant. Regina had helped her more in the past couple of weeks than she ever thought possible and somewhere deep inside of her, it warmed her heart. She looked sideways at Regina and narrowed her eyes when she noticed just how tired the older woman looked.

"Are you okay? I mean, we've mostly been talking about me. Distract me, tell me how you are," Emma said.

Regina scoffed, "I'm fine."

"Come on. You look super tired. Am I wearing you down?"

"Of course not. I promised Henry I would help you, and I suppose part of it is a selfish act as well. I want to be there for you. At the very least we are friends, Emma. This is what friends do," Regina murmured the last part.

"And at the most?"

Regina frowned, "What do you mean?"

"You said, 'at the very least we are friends', I'm asking you, what are we at the most?"

Regina swallowed thickly, "I don't know. Good friends?"

Emma's eyebrow arched up for a brief moment, accepting the answer for what it was. Perhaps neither of them were ready to think about the underlying reason for them spending every moment with each other. She looked up in surprise when Regina handed her a glass filled with wine. "Did you just conjure that up?"

Regina nodded with a smile, "Feeling too lazy to walk to kitchen. I'm quite comfortable where I am."

Emma shifted lightly in her seat and rested her elbow on the back of the couch. Her head rested against her head as she looked at Regina. "Why did you adopt Henry?"

"That's quite the topic changer."

"We've never really discussed it. I'm curious."

Regina inhaled sharply, there was one person who knew exactly why she had adopted Henry and that person was three feet underground. "It just seemed like the logical thing for me to do. I wanted someone to love me for who I was, Regina Mills, not the Evil Queen of the Enchanted Forest."

"You never thought about getting pregnant? No suitable men in Storybrooke?"

Regina's eyes closed for a brief moment before she looked at Emma and showed her a half-assed smile before her eyes cast down once more as her fingers traced the rim of her glass. "Back in the Enchanted Forest… My mother insisted that I would find a suitor. Someone to marry, a Queen needed a King after all. She was scheming as usual and tried to trick me into thinking the Sheriff of Nottingham was my true love. When I finally found out about her plans, I sent him to the dungeon and confronted her."

"What happened," Emma asked softly.

"A Queen needs an heir. My mother wanted me to have an heir, the sooner the better. So I put a stop to her whole plan and drank a potion that made me infertile," Regina said mockingly. "My mother was furious.

"Regina…"

"I don't regret what I did," Regina said as she lightly shook her head. "I have much bigger regrets that I have to live with for the rest of my days. Adopting Henry was the only choice I had and I've not regretted that decision a day in my life."

"Not even when I showed up?"

"Maybe for a second. But never the _decision_ to adopt him," Regina said as she shook her head. "I don't need a big family… I just need him. Without him, I would be lost. If it wasn't for him, god… Everyone would still be stuck in my curse. I'd have to watch Archie give me the same cheery greeting every day, I'd have to watch Mary Margaret cower in fear whenever I passed her and I would have been just as unhappy as I was in the Enchanted Forest."

"Is that why you broke things off with Robin Hood?"

Regina humorlessly laughed, "I broke things off with him because I realized I deserved better."

Emma nodded, "You do." She looked down as they fell in a comfortable silence. Her glass was almost empty and she rejoiced in the slight buzz that lingered in her head. It felt nice and she had missed the sensation over the last year.

"Does Henry know?"

Regina shook her head, "No. I don't want him to know either. I have made my peace with it. Besides, I think he has enough on his plate as it is."

"Okay. Do you think he will be okay? I mean, I'm having a hard enough time as it is, I don't want to add to his hurt."

"Just keep talking to him, Emma. Answer his questions if he has any. That's all either of us can do. He feels sad and that's perfectly okay. Let him help you and you two can work on healing each other. And if you need me to help you with that, I'm right here. You don't have to do it alone anymore." She looked at Emma and hoped that the look in her eyes conveyed whatever she had trouble saying in person. A gulp made its way down her throat when Emma reached out with a hand and placed it on Regina's shoulder.

"Thank you."

Regina nodded and had to fight every instinct not to close her eyes, to let the lingering touch become anything more than the sweet gesture it was meant to be. With a cough and a wave of the hand she refilled their glasses and smiled when Emma looked up in surprise.

"You're really good at that."

"You could be too, if you'd put some effort into it," Regina smirked. "I know it's probably the last thing on your mind right now, but it may provide you with some distraction."

Emma gave a curt nod, "Maybe next week, I'm in no mood for magic right now."

"I know," Regina smiled. "Did you notice the lights were flickering when you first came in? It's your magic. It desperately wants a chance to get out and with you hiding it the way you are now, you'll probably blow up the bug one day." She was quiet for a moment before murmuring, "Which wouldn't necessarily be a bad thing."

Emma laughed and the sound settled itself deep within Regina. She missed that laugh and whenever Emma let the sound rip through the air, she savored it and remembered it. "Why do you hate the bug so much?"

"It's a metal deathtrap on wheels, why wouldn't I hate it?" Regina deadpanned.

Emma shrugged. That bug was one thing that had been a constant in her life over the last thirteen years and while she was probably due for an upgrade, it was not something she was too worried about right now.

"I suppose my Mercedes isn't any better," Regina offered in an attempt to make the younger woman feel better.

Emma put her feet back on the ground and leaned her head back on the couch. "It would be nice to be outside right now."

Regina snorted, "We went through four topics in the past hour, are we out of topics? Is that why you brought up the weather?"

Emma shook her head, "No. It's just nice outside. I like the breeze, reminds me of the ocean or something. Not that I've been to an ocean in the last couple of years, but still, I like it."

"I've never really been to the ocean," Regina admitted quietly. "I should have cursed us to an island in the ocean!"

"Where would that have put the town line? On the bottom of the ocean?"

Regina laughed, "Maybe if we got lucky it would have settled itself on the back of some shark and we would have had more room."

"Meh," Emma scrunched up her face. "I don't like sharks." She looked sideways at Regina, "Can you imagine Henry rowing out in a rowboat to come and get me?"

"Maybe Mary Margaret would have had a speedboat and he would've stolen that," Regina mocked.

"Little thief that son of ours."

"Indeed."

* * *

Regina inhaled sharply as she looked at the woman who had fallen asleep on her couch. For the past three hours they had talked about everything and nothing. At some point, when Regina had moved off the couch to refill their glasses, Emma had laid down on the couch and fallen asleep, the copious amounts of alcohol they had consumed didn't help with staying awake.

She briefly contemplated covering Emma up with a blanket, until she realized that Emma had probably been sleeping on the couch for a long time at her own house and she wanted the woman to get a good night's rest in a real bed. She eyed the overnight bag in the corner of the living room and frowned, wondering if Emma had planned on staying the night all along.

Crossing her legs as she sat down on the coffee table in front of Emma, she leaned forward and brushed some of Emma's hair out of her face as she looked over her. "You scare me, Emma," she whispered softly before letting the back of index finger slide down Emma's cheek. "I feel all these things for you and I have no idea whether you reciprocate them or not." She inhaled sharply when Emma's eyes fluttered open and she found nothing but lust and love in them.

"I heard you," Emma murmured softly before covering Regina's hand with her own. Her eyes closed when Regina's thumb traced over her lower lip. "Please kiss me."

Regina swallowed thickly, "You're… You're drunk, Emma."

Emma sat up straight and pulled Regina closer, "Perhaps. But, I wasn't drunk any other day where I've been wishing you would kiss me." Her eyes cast down for a moment as she let her thumb trace over the soft skin of Regina's hand. "I know I'm a mess, but-"

Regina shook her head and cupped Emma's face with her free hand, "I don't care that you are a mess. We both are. Between you and me there is so much hurt, but whenever I'm around you, the weight on my shoulders doesn't feel as heavy."

Emma barely registered the words before Regina leaned in and softly brushed her lips against Emma's. She leaned back for a moment to see Emma's reaction and when she found nothing but want on her face she leaned forward against and captured Emma's mouth with her own. Their kiss was gentle, tentative, and the most delicious thing that had ever transpired between them. A small smile spread over Regina's face when Emma deepened their kiss and she playfully nipped at the blonde's lower lip before giving her exactly what she was craving.

Her thumb brushed against Emma's soft skin and she bit back a moan when Emma dug her fingernails into her waist and pulled her that much closer. Kissing Emma Swan felt like the first ray of sun after a harsh winter, the intro melody of her favorite song, and the warm flavor of her apple turn overs on a particular cold day. The way Emma's hand gently stroked over the fabric of her shirt reminded her of a gentle Summer breeze and when slender fingers tried to move beneath her shirt she pulled back from the kiss and stopped Emma's wandering hands.

"That was new," Emma breathed out as she rested her forehead against Regina's.

"Indeed it was," Regina agreed.

"I should probably go to bed. I kind of brought a bag with me, would you mind if I stayed over tonight. I don't want to be alone today, I know it was presumptuous of me, but-" Plump lips against her own cut off her words and she smiled when Regina pulled back with an arched eyebrow.

"The guest room is all ready for you."

"Thank you," Emma breathed out before awkwardly staring into Regina's eyes for a second. The way Regina's eyes darkened reminded her of melted chocolate and she was certain if she looked at them for a second longer, chocolate wouldn't be the only thing that would have a melting metaphor. "Right, okay." She stood up from the couch and gathered her bag before looking at Regina once more. "Thank you, Regina. For everything, I wouldn't know what to do without you."

"You'll never have to find out," Regina murmured. "If you need anything, just let me know, you know where my bedroom is."

Emma nodded and bid her goodnight before disappearing up the stairs. When Regina heard the door fall shut, she lowered herself onto the couch one more and took a deep breath. She had just kissed Emma Swan, the daughter of Snow White and Prince Charming, the Savior, and the other mother of her child. Her hands trembled as she reached for the pillow which had held Emma's head while she slept and when she pressed it to her face and inhaled sharply, she knew she was head over heels with the blonde.

Part of her was scared to death that Emma only kissed her as a distraction. It was obvious that Emma was still utterly broken and in so much pain, yet when her lips covered her own, she had found nothing but gentleness and desire in their kiss. No matter how hard she tried to deny it, she wanted more of it.

Emma Swan had invaded her dreams time and time again and when Emma had left for New York, she had been sick with worry. Not that she would have ever showed that to anyone, that wasn't how Mayor Mills showed her emotions. Instead, she wrote about it in her diary, much as she had done when she first fell in love with Daniel.

How ironic that the woman who had been the sole reason her first love had been taken away from her, was the same woman who eventually gave birth to the woman that she would fall in love with. Regina scoffed, irony seemed to be the story of her life. The curse she had set in place to find her happy ending had caused her great grievance for several years, but then again… If Emma was her happy ending, hadn't the curse in some _fucked up_ way done exactly as she had wished for?

As she gathered her things and turned off the lights, she supposed it didn't really matter. She had kissed Emma Swan and it had been absolutely glorious. Destiny, fate, karma, those were all words that held no meaning to her. From this day forward, she would create her own destiny and not a damn person in this world was going to stop her from doing so.


	6. In restless dreamed I walked alone

Emma woke up, completely drenched in sweat. Her eyes closed as she willed the images from her mind. She hated the fact that she still had dreams every night and she still woke up completely drenched. Even worse was the fact that she was in Regina's guest room after they had drank way too much last night.

She tried to take deep breaths to calm herself down as she kicked off the sheets. Regina's guest bed was comfortable but the soaked sheets definitely weren't. She got up from the bed and gathered the sheets together and she tried to figure out her next move. Taking the sheets to the laundry machine wasn't that big of a deal, sleeping on an a bare mattress definitely was.

Emma sighed as she threw the covers on the ground, she hated this. This constant indecisiveness and just standing frozen to the ground while weighing her options was absolutely exhausting. Regina had told her to wake her up if she needed anything, but she wasn't quite sure if this is what Regina had meant and waking up the former Evil Queen in the middle of the night seemed like a bad idea.

She still found herself tiptoeing to Regina's room and softly knocked on the door before opening it and stepping inside. "Regina," she whispered.

Regina groaned in her sleep and rolled over before rubbing her eyes, "Emma? Are you okay?"

"Mhm, where do you keep the sheets? I kinda had a nightmare, sheets are soaked in sweat. I need to change them."

Regina's lips curled up in a small smile, before she pulled the covers back, "Come here, you can sleep here. No need to change the sheets in the middle of the night."

Emma swallowed thickly as she moved over to the other side of the bed and slipped under the sheets next to Regina. "Your bed is even more comfortable than the one I slept in. Didn't think that was possible. I may need to steal your bed and move it to my house." Emma groaned silently as she rambled on.

"What was your nightmare about," Regina asked as she rolled over to her side and laid her head on her hand.

"Same thing," Emma quietly said. "I don't know how to stop them, I have no control over them."

"You still have them every night?"

"Yeah. They aren't always as bad, but it's like as soon as I lower my defenses the nightmares just pour in and it's killing me. I just need them to stop." Emma's voice was filled with desperation, she was exhausted and the nightmares that kept her awake every night were draining her.

"I think you may need to rethink this whole grief counseling thing. I know you're opposed to it, but I think it may really help you. I can help you with a lot, talk to you and comfort you but I cannot take away your nightmares," Regina quietly said as she looked at Emma.

"I never would expect you to, I've thought about the grief counseling, but I also kinda feel like I'm working on getting myself back together. Would it really be worth to start it all up again?"

Regina reached out and took Emma's hand in hers, "I know you're trying hard, but it's never going to go away completely, Emma. The nightmares aren't going to stop if part of you still refuses to completely go there. The counseling may help with it, but you have time. You don't have to decide today."

"I know," Emma said as she mindlessly intertwined her fingers with Regina. "Do we need to talk about what happened earlier?"

"If you want," Regina offered quietly. "If it's too much, I understand."

"Was it just because we drank too much?"

"Never, Emma. You won't be tomorrow's regret. I-I think I've wanted to do that for quite some time now and I sincerely apologize if it made you feel uncomfortable."

Emma rolled over on her side, "It didn't. I think it was the first time something actually felt right. I wouldn't be opposed to it happening again."

Regina smiled, "What about when you're sober tomorrow? Will I be tomorrow's regret?"

Emma shook her head, "You could never be tomorrow's regret. You may be yesterday's and the days before that. Sometimes I feel like we wasted a lot of time fighting all these years, but then again, there was always something more than the just the fighting, wasn't there?"

Regina nodded and grinned, "Sexual tension?"

Emma blushed, "Something like that. I mean, I don't know if it was always like that, but fighting with you was definitely always more than _just_ about the fighting." Emma shrugged, "I don't even know. I think I'm sleep deprived, I may not make sense."

"You make all the sense in the world, Emma." Regina inched a little closer to Emma and cupped her cheek, "Do you want me to kiss you again?"

Emma nodded as she felt the flutter in her stomach. When Regina had kissed her earlier it felt as if heaven itself had come crashing down on her. She licked her dry lips when Regina leaned in and when those soft lips brushed over hers once more, she leaned in to return the kiss. Regina's tongue moved slowly over Emma's lower lip before seeking access into her mouth. A small moan escaped from Emma's throat when Regina deepened the kiss and pulled Emma closer to her as her hand wrapped around Emma's waist.

After several minutes of a heated make-out session, Regina pulled back, "I think we need to stop. I am not sure I can hold myself back from wanting more."

Emma moved to straddle Regina, "Do you want to stop?"

"No," Regina breathed out as her hand moved to the back of Emma's neck and pulled her close as she crashed their lips together. She moaned softly when Emma pressed into her.

"Neither do I," Emma whispered. She leaned forward once more and left a trail of kisses from Regina's jaw to her neck, she sucked the delicate skin into her mouth and smiled against her skin when Regina's nails dug into her ribs.

For some reason she knew it would be this way between them, no hour long conversations to talk about wants and desires, instead they would engage and indulge each other. They could talk later, they always seemed to talk later and it worked for them.

Within minutes the room was filled with nothing but the sounds of moans that Emma elicited from Regina as she sucked and licked over her pulse point, before sitting back and pulling Regina up to a sitting positon to remove her shirt. "You're so beautiful," Emma whispered as trembling finger tips moved from Regina's shoulder down to her collarbones, to the bra that held the firm breasts. A thumb boldly moved over a rigid peak and she made eye contact with Regina before moving her hands to the backside to remove the bra altogether.

Emma gently pushed Regina down into the pillow again before taking off her own shirt and bra and reached out with a hand and gently stroked up Emma's side. Regina's touches brought back memories of how she had once been slapped in the face, yet now those same slender fingers softly explored every inch of uncovered skin. Her head fell back as Regina pulled her down and kissed her hungrily as her nails dug into Emma's back, leaving red welts that she immediately soothed with soft finger tips.

With strength that Emma didn't know Regina possessed she was suddenly being pushed down into the mattress and a small moan escaped her throat when Regina gave her a small wink and whispered, "I want you naked, right now." The words were immediately followed by a wave of the hand and both women lay naked together, neither moving as they took in the feeling of skin against skin.

"God, teach me how to do that," Emma breathed out as Regina kissed down her jawline and let her tongue slide over the outer shell of her ear.

"I will teach you that and so much more," Regina murmured. "But, right now… I just want to make you feel good, Emma. Will you let me do that? Will you let me take care of you?"

Emma nodded and was completely lost in sensations as Regina hands and mouth explored every inch of skin. Each caress was immediately followed by an eager tongue that left wet trails down her body and as Regina slid lower down her body, she pressed her knee tight against Regina's core. The wetness she felt there was nothing compared to the wetness that had gathered between her own legs and as Regina came closer to where she wanted her most, her moans grew louder. "Please, Regina…"

"I've got you, Emma," Regina murmured as her lips nipped at Emma's inner thighs before soft finger tips trailed further up and when a tentative finger finally slid over Emma's slit, she gasped and grabbed the bedsheets in clenched fists. She had never felt like this before, Regina's tongue slid through her wet folds and when it flicked against her clit, Emma cried out for more.

Regina's index finger slowly moved inside of Emma and she groaned when it moved in and out of her as Regina's lips wrapped themselves around Emma's clit before sucking it into her mouth. Her hands moved to Regina's hair and burrowed themselves in the dark curls as she pressed Regina's face tighter to her core.

"Another one," Emma pleaded as her hips jerked and her clit throbbed with every lap of Regina's tongue. When Regina indulged the request her back arched off the mattress at the 'come-hither' movement of those two fingers and she could feel herself getting wetter every second and she knew she wouldn't last long.

"I can't-"

"Let go, Emma," Regina encouragingly said as she flicked her tongue faster against the clit and when Emma came undone she quickly moved up her body as her hand cupped Emma's core and she kissed Emma fervently until she noticed the wetness on Emma's cheeks. She lay down next to Emma and held her close as her hand rubbed soothing circles on Emma's back. "Ssh, you're okay. I'm here," she whispered gently in her ear.

"I'm sorry, I don't know why I'm crying," Emma murmured with her head tucked under Regina's chin. "I'm such a mess."

"I'm sure there's a scientific reason, but I don't care about that. If you need to cry you can do that and I will hold you. You are beautiful, Emma, stronger than anyone I have ever met before, but right now, you don't have to be strong. Let me take care of you." She kept whispering soft words into Emma's ear and covered them up with a blanket as Emma's breathing became heavier. "I'm so proud of you," Regina murmured before kissing Emma's forehead as she drifted off into a deep sleep herself.

It wasn't until several hours later that Emma woke up incredibly confused as she lay naked in the arms of Storybrooke's own Mayor. It took several seconds to recall what had happened and a small smile crept up her face when she noticed how protectively she was being held. In the past couple of months no one had made her feel safer than Regina had. She had been there for Emma unconditionally and it had made all the difference in the world for Emma. Regina had refused to give up on Emma, and no matter how hard Emma pushed, Regina had never walked away from her.

She reached out with her hand and brushed the strands of hair from Regina's face. Regina really did take her pain away and whereas that would usually make her want to run from anyone, this time it made her want to show her gratitude to the brunette. Her fingers brushed lower down to Regina's lips that were still slightly swollen from their heated make-out session. When Regina whimpered, she leaned in closer and gave her a gentle kiss on the lips. Firm, but gentle hands dug into her back and Emma rolled Regina onto her back and moved to straddle her.

"What are you doing," Regina murmured as her hands gently stroked up and down Emma's thighs, lazily taking in the warmth of Emma's skin.

"I want to make love to you," Emma whispered as tentative fingers slowly moved down to the swell of Regina's breasts. Her thumbs rubbed over the hardened peaks and when Regina moaned a low, deep, and guttural moan she leaned down to take each nipple into her mouth. Her tongue flicked against one as her thumb and index finger rolled the other and she kept moving back and forth until Regina gently brushed her hand off and pulled Emma closer to her, capturing her mouth in a languid kiss.

"You don't have to-"

Whatever Regina started saying was cut off as Emma shushed her with a finger. "I know I don't have to. But, I want to." She smiled gently before her hand traveled further down south and the moan elicited from Regina as she slid a finger through Regina's wet folds, was music to her ears. The sound was her new addiction and she silently promised herself to elicit those noises from Regina for as long as she would let her.

"Gods, Emma…" Regina breathed out as Emma entered two fingers inside of her as her thumb rubbed over Regina's clit softly. She applied more pressure when she felt Regina tense up and rubbed faster over the bundle of nerves.

"You're the most gorgeous thing I've ever seen," Emma murmured in between kisses. "Can I taste you?" When Regina nodded, she smiled and removed her fingers from Regina and brought them to her mouth. A flush crept over her cheeks as she sucked the fingers into her mouth and moaned loudly at the tangy sweetness that was Regina's essence. "God, you taste marvelous. I want more of that," Emma huskily whispered before moving down Regina's body, leaving a trail of kisses.

She settled herself in between Regina's leg and wrapped her arms around her legs and blew hot breath against Regina's clit.

"Emma, please don't tease me," Regina moaned as one hand clutched the bedsheet and the other moved to spread herself further open for Emma.

It was the most delicious thing anyone had ever done for Emma and she eagerly inched in closer as she let her tongue slide through the wet folds. "You taste better than bear claws," Emma grinned when Regina snorted and lightly slapped her on the head.

"That's the most ridiculous thing anyone has ever said to-" Her words were replaced by a lingering moan as Emma thrust into her again with two fingers, her tongue lapped at the wetness and the clit that so eagerly peaked out from under its hood. There was nothing in this world that could compare to the way Regina moaned and trembled beneath her. When her eyes cast upwards to look at Regina and she noticed the lip that was firmly grasped between teeth – Emma knew that it was always meant to be this way. The Savior and the Mayor – Storybrooke's most famous citizens, pulled apart by fate, brought together by their son.

"Emma," Regina breathed out as her nails dug into Emma's skull. She knew exactly what Regina wanted and put all her focus on thrusting in and out of her in a fast pace as her tongue played with her clit. It wasn't long before Regina nearly screamed out and Emma chuckled at the hand that covered the Mayor's mouth as she climaxed. Emma was absolutely relentless as her tongue kept flicking against the clit until Regina finally pushed her head away from her core and beckoned her closer.

"That was amazing…" Emma breathed out as she laid down on top of Regina and gave her a soft kiss. "You are amazing." She left small kisses all over Regina's face until Regina chuckled and moved so that they were both on their sides. A leg was wrapped over Emma's waist and the knee that moved against her crotch made her throb all over again.

It was a throb that set in motion the rest of that night as passionate kisses were exchanged and hands, fingers, and mouths explored every nook and cranny of each other's body over and over again. Many hours later when Emma finally collapsed against the mattress and Regina rubbed lazy circles on her stomach, Emma look at Regina with questioning eyes.

"Ask me," she said simply and gave her a small kiss. Vulnerable eyes met with her own and she gave Emma a reassuring smile. "It's okay. Ask me."

"What does this mean?"

"What do you want it to mean?"

"I think I want to take you on a date," Emma said lovingly. "I think we skipped a step, it's not proper etiquette."

"Then on a date we shall go, on one condition."

"What's that?"

"We tell Henry. I don't want there to be any secrets between us and him."

Emma nodded, "Agreed. We can tell him when he comes back from his fishing trip. Until then, I want you all to myself. I'm nowhere near done with you yet, although for now… I think we could both do with some sleep."

Regina yawned as she drew Emma closer to her, "I couldn't agree more. Sweet sleep, Miss Swan."

Emma snorted, "Really?"

Regina winked, "One last time, for good measure."


	7. And in the naked light I saw you

A month had passed since Emma's and Regina's passionate night together. They had sat Henry down a week after his fishing trip, they had planned on telling him about their budding relationship, but he was filled with questions about Nathan and they had both agreed not to overload him with information at that time.

When they finally did come around to telling him, he had smiled enthusiastically as if he had always known that they would end up together. Regina had remarked that his gloat was an uncanny resemblance to that of Snow's when she was a little child and it had send them into a fit of giggles for the rest of the evening as Regina recalled stories about a young Snow.

Emma had slowly been opening up more to everyone else, and while it was still incredibly hard for her to do, the support and love she got seemed to lift up her spirits. Belle had hugged her tightly to her as she recalled the events of what had happened in New York and Red had taken her out for a night in the town in true Ruby fashion.

She had finally agreed to grief counseling after some prodding from Regina and Mary Margaret and she had just had her first session with Doctor Hopper. It had absolutely exhausted her to talk about Nathan in detail. She missed the little bundle of joy that she only held for a couple of hours, and she still broke down every couple of days when she noticed a certain facial expression on Henry's face that reminded her of the son she lost.

With a heavy sigh she opened the door to the mansion where she would join Regina and Henry for dinner. She had been spending more and more time at the Mills house and while she loved spending time there, she also needed her own space. Her apartment had become a place of solace for her and Nathan's urn now had a permanent place in her living room. It was discreet, out of sight for strangers, but those who knew always would make a pit stop at the silver urn and whisper something inaudible before joining Emma on the couch.

"Hey Ma," Henry said as he engulfed in her a hug. "How did it go?"

Emma gave him a tired smile, "Hey kid. It was hard, but I got through it. I was told it will become a little bit easier with every session. Archie is good at his job and he is easy to talk to."

Henry nodded, "I'm glad you went. Mom and I have a surprise for you."

"Oh?" She arched up an eyebrow as she followed Henry to the living room. She smiled at the woman who had so eagerly made love to her the night before and she felt herself blush all over again when Regina gave her a chaste kiss on the lips.

"Moms!"

"Get used to it, Kid," was all Emma said as she let herself fall down on the couch.

Regina swallowed thickly as she nodded at Henry to grab their gift. It was a gift that took a lot of mailing back and forth with Madison and one that would probably make Emma cry, but when the opportunity arose she knew she couldn't let it pass by.

When Henry came back into the living room with the wrapped up present, she sat down next to Emma and took her hand. "So, I know you've had an emotional day and this probably isn't going to help, but we still wanted to give it to you today, in the hopes that it would bring you some comfort."

Emma gulped when Henry sat across from her on the coffee table, and handed her the present.

"Before you open it, I want to preface it by saying that you told us about your biggest regret."

Emma's eyes glossed over and her lower lip trembled as her heart rate went up to the point where it physical hurt her. "Regina," she croaked out.

"Ssh," Regina said as she squeezed her hand. "You said there were no pictures, but there's actually one picture that always gets taken. It's a hospital policy." She looked at Henry and Emma knew exactly what picture Regina was talking about. "Madison emailed me and she had contacted someone to sketch you a picture. She nodded to the present in Emma's hand.

With trembling hands she removed the wrapping paper as it revealed a canvas. She swallowed back a sob as she looked at the sketched picture. It was a picture of Nathan and it was absolutely gorgeous. Tears fell from her cheeks in a fast pace, "My god, it's him. It's like he's sleeping."

Henry gathered the wrapping paper and threw it behind him – which earned him a glare from Regina and he smirked before joining his moms on the couch.

Regina had a hard time keeping her eyes dry as she looked at the canvas that displayed the little brother that Henry never got to know. "He looks like Henry when he was a baby."

Emma nodded as she wiped away a tear, "I can't believe I have a picture of him." She looked at Regina, "Thank you so much. You don't know how much this means to me."

Regina smiled, "Anything for you. Perhaps you could place it by Nathan's urn. Or wherever you would feel it would fit. Don't hide him anymore, Emma. He deserves to be seen."

Emma nodded as her fingers traced over the canvas. Her eyes closed as she remembered the little boy that had laid so peacefully in her arms before he moved on from this world into the next. She remembered the way he smelled and how his tiny hands were balled up in fists as his chest heaved. She remembered the eyes that had opened once and pierced themselves straight into her soul. She remembered the little sounds he made as he lay on her chest and gently rocked the chair back and forth in hopes that it would give him some comfort.

"Hi Nathan," she whispered softly before pressing her lips against the canvas. "We miss you, but now… We will never forget you."

Regina wrapped an arm around Henry's shoulder and pulled him closer to her. All three of them had teary eyes as they stared at the little boy that – much like his older brother before – had brought them together, this time as a family of their own.

* * *

"Regina, wake up."

Regina groaned as she rolled over and wrapped her arms around Emma, " What do you want?" She smiled a soft smile when Emma's arms wrapped around her waist and soft kisses were pressed against her forehead.

Emma grinned, "Hm, I want a lot of things, but right now, it's more about what you want."

Regina frowned before she remembered, "I forgot." It was the day Emma had been looking forward to for days now, she had been teasing Regina relentlessly with little notes on what they would do today. So far she didn't have a clue as to what would happen, but Emma's excitement excited her. Emma had been so sad for so long that every little smile she threw Regina's way these days warmed her heart.

Emma gasped in a fake mock, "How could you possibly forget your own birthday?"

Regina laughed, "Well, dear. If you're as old as me, you'd rather forget."

"So, fairytale days included, exactly how old are you?"

Regina pinched Emma's skin, "Don't you even dare. We're not going there."

"Sixty?"

"Emma," Regina growled as she rolled Emma on her back and moved on top of her. She leaned forward and captured Emma's mouth with her own.

"You know," Emma said in between kisses. "You can try and distract me all you want, that doesn't mean I'll forget that you're really seventy."

Regina's eyes grew wide as she looked at Emma, "Seventy! Really! Guess I'm too old for making out then." She sighed dramatically before rolling off Emma, "Such a shame. I do so enjoy making out with you."

"No, come back. I want more, I promise I won't tease anymore."

"Sorry, I can't. Fragile, elderly woman here. I need to catch my breath and regain my strength!" She let herself fall down on her back as she kept Emma at a distance with her hand. "Have you seen my cane?"

"Oh my god," Emma huffed before gently slapping Regina's hand away and straddled her hips. "Happy birthday, my love," she whispered before placing a soft kiss on Regina's nose. "Thank you for making me happy every day," Emma smiled before kissing Regina's cheek. "Thank you for saving me," she murmured before giving her a lingering kiss on the mouth.

"I love you," Regina murmured.

"I love you more."

"Impossible."

"You're supposed to say, 'I love you most'," Emma whispered as she rolled off Regina and propped herself up on an elbow and her fingers tickled a way up Regina's stomach.

"You already know that I do, no sense in repeating it every day," Regina grinned before rolling over to her side. "What do you have planned for me?"

"Hm, let's see," Emma hummed. "First, Henry's making you breakfast right now. Something greasy, I'm sure." She chuckled at Regina's scrunched up nose. "Maybe it was pancakes. I forgot. You know what he's like in the kitchen. Little prince."

"He inherited my best quality," Regina said proudly.

"After breakfast, we're taking you to the stables. I hear Mary Margaret has a surprise for you. I promised I wouldn't tell though – I think it's her way to make up for all her past mistakes."

Regina arched an eyebrow, "Interesting."

"The rest of the day is a surprise though. Henry has surprises for you, I have surprises for you and the biggest surprise… is a surprise."

Regina rolled her eyes, "How very cryptic of you, dear."

"I promise you will love each and every one of them."

"I'm sure I will," Regina murmured as she nestled her head underneath Emma's chin and inhaled her scent. Emma was her favorite scent, although her apple turn overs were still a close second.

* * *

"I don't feel sad today," Emma admitted quietly after they had lay there for a while, waiting for Henry to bring the breakfast he had been slaving in the kitchen for all morning. "I actually forgot for a moment."

Regina kissed the skin beneath her mouth, "It gets a little easier every day. You know you can be sad though, despite it being my birthday. I just want you to be okay… and if you're not okay… that's okay too."

Emma nodded, "I think I'm still a little broken, but you and Henry make each day more bearable. I miss him though."

"We can be broken together. Life isn't perfect, Emma. It has its ups and downs, but as long as you keep breathing and put one foot in front of the other, you will make it through. I have faith in you and I have faith in us. Together, we can do anything."

Emma smiled and kissed the top of Regina's head as her fingers played with the dark curls that only seemed to be there in the morning. "Then together we shall do everything," she agreed before closing her eyes. Her breathing matched that of Regina's and as she drifted off into a small nap the only thought that run through her head was how incredibly lucky she was with her family. She was broken, hurt, and sad, but being with Regina, having Henry near… They made each day more bearable.

When Henry finally made it up the stairs and opened the door with his foot as he balanced the tray, Regina and Emma were fast asleep. He smiled at the women who loved him so fiercely and placed the tray on the table in the corner of the room before closing the door behind him. They would have all day, and as he softly closed the door behind him once more, the only sound that filled the room, was the sound of silence.


End file.
